I’m weird. You’re weird.
Here are 10 Quirks about me.
This reminds me of something I would’ve written in my LiveJournal (come on, who else?) back in the early aughts.
My dad always said, “If you think somebody isn’t weird, you just don’t know them well enough.”
And I always said, “Yeah, but you’re like, extra weird, Dad.”
I write tiny. I mean tiiiiiny.
I had this one history class in college where we were allowed to bring one sheet of notes with us to the exam. Luckily, because I am a cartoon mouse, I had already written all of my notes for the entire semester on a single sheet (front and back) of notebook paper, in tiny script indecipherable to anyone but me. I aced the test.
I don’t like metal forks, but I make myself use them.
I blame my mom; she prefers plasticware too. Metal forks get hot, and the tines are always just a little crooked, and they make such a jarring noise each time they touch your plate, or your teeth. For years, I carried a plastic spork in my bag for use at restaurants. It was humiliating but worth it. But then I had a kid… so now I make myself use regular utensils, just so she doesn’t pick up my weird habit.
Speaking of tininess and utensils, I eat my ice cream with a baby spoon.
I got this trick from my college roommate. If you use a tiny spoon, a tiny bowl of ice cream (vegan for me!) looks and feels bigger, and it takes longer to eat, so you get to eat ice cream for a longer time (with or) without eating the whole pint.
I hold my breath when I drive past a cemetery.
Somebody told me to do that once when I was a kid, and I still do it. Even though I know it makes no sense.
I put easy things on my to-do list, just so I can cross them off.
I list things like brush teeth and check mail, alongside harder things. Even though I know drink coffee doesn’t belong on a to-do list, the feeling of crossing things off makes me feel empowered and accomplished, which allows me to handle the tougher things.
I write while lying down.
I don’t own a desk. I don’t want a desk. Why would you sit when you could lie? On Passover, during The Four Questions, we ask, “Why is this night different from all other nights?” and one reason is: “On all other nights we eat either sitting or reclining. On this night, we all recline.” I really liked this, as a kid, and decided to make every night special by lying down whenever possible.
I’m sort of really terrified of a robot takeover.
Yeah, I’m sort of really kind of definitely terrified of a robot takeover, and I think it will be the type of robot takeover that most people happily go along with. I change the words in kids’ books to give robots “it” pronouns and no feelings. I also monitor my language to say, “My phone’s out of batteries,” rather than, “The battery died.” I want the next generation to know that machines are useful tools, but they don’t have feelings like animals. It’s an uphill battle.
I’m attracted to the worst parts of the internet.
Speaking of robot apocalypses, I love reading stuff online that makes me terrified. Not a week goes by that I’m not staring wide-eyed at a white supremacist website or a pro-ana forum. I know it doesn’t do anyone any good for me to see it, but I can’t help looking.
I LOVE warning labels with pictures of what not to do.
Don’t put baby in a Tupperware. Don’t break your neck on a trampoline. Don’t roll your baby off of a restroom changing table. And probably my favorite of all time: this high-voltage electric cloud that’s angrily killing a human, which I have tattooed on my leg.
I love rats.
Like, I can’t understand how anyone can think rats are gross, because I think they are the most adorable animal. When I was a kid, we weren’t allowed to have any pets. I wanted a rodent so bad. Finally, as an adult, I got to have three wonderful pet rats (Big Boo, Prez — aka Mr. President Ba-rat Obama, and Sneezer), and now I have a rat tattoo (a rattoo?) on my shoulder in their honor.
Medium writers: Have you done your own 10 Quirks stories? Feel free to post your link in my comments!
Want to get to know me more? Here’s my post popular piece on Medium: