If I die I hope it was worth it.
You know that feeling when it seems like you stuck in the tv show? And in addition to all freaking drama it’s unbelievably long, and also you are that one person who is waiting for the next episode to come out.
I’m waiting for the next season. It feels like every second week the producer had a breakdown and had unstoppable desire to screw his main character (me). Thanks, I’ve got a huge reserve of sweets, a couple of grams of green sandwiches and pile of friends to deal with it.
If you are still waiting for a motivational story, skip this one. Life is going to screw you on every single step you take and after finishing a cigarette it’s gonna give a good kick in your ass, so you won’t relax for too long.
If everything is calm, it means you are doing something wrong.
It’s been my first problem when I thought I’m going to die while solving it and asking myself (or someone else from the above) “Why me?”. Next time I had following thoughts “What da *** ****😠?”, “No, it’s fine 😌”, “Seriously??????😡😖”, “Well, it can’t get worse than that…..,right😥?”, “For God’s SAKE!!!!!!”😱😱🖕🏾🖕🏾🖕🏾🖕🏾🖕🏾🖕🏾🖕🏾🖕🏾🖕🏾🖕🏾🖕🏾🖕🏾🖕🏾🖕🏾🖕🏾🖕🏾🖕🏾🖕🏾🖕🏾🖕🏾.
Here comes the moment when I stopped thinking. In my native language (Russian if you don’t know) we have this saying “Eyes are afraid, but hands are doing the job”. It’s like an encouragement statement. As well as “Fear has big eyes “. I don’t know why everything is related to eyes, but anyway. I used to recall these proverbs when I was little during my exams in school or before giving presentations. “It’s all just in my head. My eyes see what I want them to see but it shouldn’t stop me from doing what I am supposed to do”.
One problem after another I had a hope that it’s the last one. The last disappointment, the last screwed plan, the last fail, the last….(continue). But the truth is there is never “ the last problem or fail”. I had to learn it tough way, but you have a chance not to do so. I will explain.
Every time I had a problem I would fall asleep with a hope not to have this stress again. Then something else happens and I, in my turn, hope and wait again. And this kills. It makes you sick and crazy, because what you are hoping and waiting for doesn’t exist. It’s just an illusion. So if you are still hoping fo stress-free life, go and 😵🔫💀, or start solving your problems with closed eyes but clear mind. Get some green sandwiches and 🍺, dig into warm blankets, turn on Shameless (it makes me feel better, at least someone has shittier life than I am) and don’t think about problems you can’t solve right now.