Chapter 11
Chapter 11
“A race is on, I’m on your side
And here in you, my engines die
I’m in a mood for you
Or running away
Stars come down in you
And love, love, love
You can’t give it away” — The Psychedelic Furs
Long talks on dark nights took place for days. As much as we liked sleeping outdoors, for the three of us that is, it had become simply too cold. The holidays were around the corner. Josh invited me to a harvest party, which meant a marijuana harvest party. The local “in’ band was going to playing.
I was silent for a little too long I guess.
“What’s wrong man? You haven’t been yourself lately.”
“What’s right? I’m living with a family that is broken. I think I’m in love with somebody who can’t love me back. I have people who love me who I can’t love back. I miss sleeping with you and Velvet every night.”
“Who can’t love you back?” Josh asked, and a then, “I might be able to help you with that. I know everybody. Is it the Sheriff’s daughter? “
I rolled over in his bed, “It’s you.”
Agonizing silence. “I love you too.”
Just the answer I wanted to hear then, “But not in that way. I know I kissed you, but that was on a dare.”
“But you were amazed by it, it took you away. I remember at the point when you even denied it to Velvet. That told me, you didn’t want to admit to it, but you sure were floored by it.”
“Darin, you’re beautiful. If I was going to be with a guy, it would be you. My mom even encouraged me to go after you. You can have anyone you want…but me. I’m so sorry man.” Then he kissed my cheek, and squeezed my chest from behind.
I was heartbroken. “Then that doesn’t leave me with much choice. I will either leave or go after someone who’s after my own heart.”
“Who's that?”
“Go get ready for school.”
“I’m so sorry man, I love you so much, I can’t imagine you leaving.”
Then he kissed my on my cheek again and bit my earlobe.
A tear ran down the side of my face, and I quickly got rid of it before Josh could notice”
“Get to school, everything is fine.”
— — — — — — — — — — — — — —
Velvet saw my car at Jennifer’s house, and walked inside. I was crying in Josh’s bed.
“What’s going on?”
“ Oh, a little unrequited love.”
“What does that mean?”
“When you love someone, or vice versa, that can’t return your love.”
“You’re talking about Josh?”
“Yeah”
“Well, why do you want him?”
“Because we have so much fun together, we like doing the same things. I love his Mom, his family. He gets me.”
“He doesn’t deserve you.”
“What?”
“You are as you like to say, “broken”. Did we always not have fun together”
“Fun does not a relationship make.”
I grabbed a pillow, and held it against my face, blocking my tears away from her.
She pulled it back. It’s ok to be sad. Let me see you cry.”
“I know we messed around once, but Josh does something for me. I feel something different than I do for you.”
She hesitated. “Josh wants to have sex with you.”
“Yeah, I kinda get that, but it’s not the same. He’s too young for a what I want, and all he want’s seems experimental, trendy, and to let this community know I’m his; he wants a dad he never had. I don’t want any of those things.”
“I was going to come over and ask if you wanted to live in my now vacant room. I hate living alone, and Josh and I just wouldn’t be able to hang right now.”
“Yes.”
“You will”
“Yes.” I repeated. Then hugged her. Her long black hair tickles my bare back. I liked it.
I was excited to move in with Velvet. I didn’t know, but I thought Josh would be excited too.
“He’s going to freak.”
“No, he wants you to. Working for the Stayner's is one thing, but living with them…well, I can’t imagine. Josh doesn’t want you there either, even though you and Dana are good friends”.
“I’ve never seen your place. You have school today?”
“No, let’s go”
— — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — —
I gave her my spare motorcycle helmet.
“You’re still in tears, can you drive?”
I looked from one side to the other, and said, “No.”
“Then lets walk she said, grabbing my free hand.”
I was sobbing like a baby. Tears ran down my eyes so much it distorted my vision.”
Velvet grabbed my spare helmet and put it inside Jennifer’s house, saying, “It will be safe.”
Everything looked better as we neared her place on the trail; ferns, redwoods, streams, everything. “My house is just up here. It’s kind of a weird duplex I share with a really cool renter.”
There was a stream nearby that the news I would run into a stranger made me want to be presentable. I washed my face in it. It was really cold.
Velvets’ place as surrounded by a deck and covered with a stained natural siding. It had a thatched roof, like the kind you see in the U.K, and some out buildings for a chicken coup, and a sauna next to a hot tub.
She’s a trust fund baby. I didn’t need to see anymore.
“YOU, are Darin. Or Charlie Sheen. Sorry, you are talked about a lot here. I’m Jordan,” he said with his hand extended”
Jordan looked like the lead singer from the Dandy Warhols. Someone so sexy, I was for the first time in my life, stupidly without words.
I’m Barry, I mean Darin. Barry is my last name.”
I loved that place, the idea of living with Velvet, and Jordan. But, what Josh might think still bothered me.
Velvet showed me my room. It was awesome with a skylight. I knew I was going to love it here, but my heart was still broken.
