A happy dream about total powerlessness

One dream changed it all for me.

Here's me, a young woman working a nice job, trying to have children, all according to a standard plan. My sub-consciousness is very active. I get long epic action dreams, running all night. From what was I running almost every night?

But these new dreams I started to have were different.

I am who I am in an uplifted state of mind. It's the most beautiful feeling in the world. It's better than sex, better than all the adventures I experienced. It's just a cleanest feeling of living, freedom, free-flowing energy. I am shining from within.

In this one dream I ski on a slope with many other people enjoying a snowy day. The herd doesn't bother me at all, contrary to real life and my social anxiety. It's a normal day and I am a normal girl. But I am not! I feel joy in every movement I make, in every sight I see, I feel love towards everyone. I ski to bottom of the slope, into a wooden shelter. My friends come and I am even happier. They are attracted towards me, towards my energy.

I feel completely out of control. I just AM. Life is happening. It is a feeling of standing on edge of a cliff, letting wind decide what happens next. This powerlessness makes me feel absolutely free. I don't know what is going to happen the next minute. A total uncertainty fills me with light. I don’t have to tell myself ”I am strong”, I don't need no mantras anymore.

The dream continues. Friends introduce me to a handsome young man. I feel very potent among other beautiful feelings, so I take him home. I feel like I do this often, in a transparent and respectful way. He wonders: "You are very promiscuous." I laugh and respond without shame: "I just enjoy people and life."

The dream changed me completely

From the moment I wake up, I want to live this way. I know I was blessed with a gift. I got a sneak peak into heavens on earth, heavens inside of me.

I notice I start to be outgoing. A very introverted girl, scared of social situations, holding on and holding back, having trouble forming new friendships, hating strangers, is no longer here. That dream, pure feelings flowing through me as light, love and freedom, opened me.

I am the happiest ever, high on energy, calm, warm and vigorous. My fears are gone. My worries just ran away. I wish this to all human beings. All wars, hatred, injustice, hurt, would stop immediately.

But these feelings of light are starting to fade in time. I am forgetting the dream and it doesn't come back. The fears of inadequacy are slowly crawling back into my heart. How do I reverse? Was this only a peak to heaven, I wonder… Soon enough, I feel like it's all gone.

But am I still the same as before?