Not Really My Narrative Entry #1: This is a hell ride, I want to get off, sometimes.
Let’s face it, life is a hell ride. Unless you’re born into privilege, actually even if you are, life’s journey can be like a scary carnival ride. The ups and downs are enough to make you vomit, whether you’re in motion or standing still. We all start out with dreams that we’ll use to set goals for the future. As each year goes by, and we reach the goals we’ve set for ourselves, dreams start to become the living reality. One by one, the older we get, as we accomplish things we set out to do, we end up with less goals and dreams we have left to fulfill.
Plain and simple, I was raised to grow up, get married, have children and live happily ever after. I believed life would be like a Leave it to Beaver episode. I believed everything would always work out, I believed in happily ever afters. When I think back at how uneducated and inexperienced I was, I want a Mulligan. To say I was unprepared is an understatement, and here I sit, 50 years old and starting over. My children are grown and on their own now. I’ve been divorced twice, moved about 7 times, and feel frustrated and tired. However, here I am, back in school at 50 and trying to get an education just so I can get a job making less than I made at all my previous jobs over the last 15 years. It’s daunting to realize that I’m really, truly, starting from the bottom… again.
So here I am, at the bottom of the roller coaster, chugging my way to a top spot. I’m setting goals in tiny steps. Ultimately, I want to graduate school, get a descent paying job, my own car, get married, and move to my own home. To do these things I have to make it through this term, and ultimately graduate. That’s how I am looking at school at the moment. This has to be the worst term for me. I enjoy school, my classes, and meeting new people. One term at a time is how I plan on reaching my end goals.