I want to but I look at you and feel I shouldn’t but I need to freaking give all my love
I need you to want all of me but my fears
I’m so scared.
How do I cross the line?
Too scared for this has now become my defense mechanism.
It’s tiring, I know no one can help me out of it but me.
50/50 is all I seek knowing you are 100% in control and just letting you.
I love you, I don’t want you with anyone else
You are not mine.
I’m not patient or am I.
Can we just fly away to some fairy tale land?
95% feeling you’d hurt me,
I want to go down that road but I’m scared.
Fear is the beginning of a fall.
I don’t want you gone,
I need you here with me deep inside my heart, the only safe haven I seek.
Maybe things would change for the better or worse.
What I’m saying is are you with me or do I think you are with me.
Fuck yea, I know you love me
Is it enough though, I don’t know.
Certainty doesn’t go well with you,
I can’t keep on hoping,
It’s a card I really don’t know how to play.
My heart is hurt confirming that i have been too scared to admit,
I always knew that he wouldn’t commit, I always knew whatever he felt wasn’t enough,
I always knew yet I chose denial.
I’m so sad,
I’m very sad,
I don’t know how to be different.
Then I get myself a classic distraction but that doesn’t work. It was fun for a while but it got real and I knew it was all of you I needed no one else.
You are all I seek yet all I despise.
You are the reason for my hot tears.
I feel almost abnormal yet so normal.
If I had my way, I did runaway.
It’s seems like I need a daddy but I have got a daddy and it’s not you.
Graced my daddy is still alive.
*What I need is a man, my man*
And like my friend Lanray Lawal says, “let your tears be your ink and pain your pen”