A stark reminder of why domestic violence survivors stay silent

Lately, when you hear about victims of domestic violence and sexual assault waiting years to come forward — if at all — you find out it’s mainly because they don’t trust that anyone will listen to them. And all too often, it’s because they are effectively spat on by some of the very people who should be protecting them.

Recently, I made a friend who is a stark example of this sad mentality — “Crystal,” from a small town in West Virginia. She is recovering from a horribly abusive marriage that lasted for 25 years. That ordeal that may have been made even worse when she was sexually assaulted as a girl — and the lawyers for her attacker breached every standard of decency that is known.

Crystal was molested by a neighbor for the better part of two years, from the time she was nine until she was 11. It turned out that she was one of almost a dozen girls victimized by this monster.

And yet, when he was finally brought to justice, he only got a sentence — or more accurately, a phrase — of 18 months. This was primarily because her attacker’s lawyers had engaged in victim-shaming that was pretty vicious even for the 1980s. They told her that she was a liar, and it was her fault for not saying “no.”

Ultimately, prosecutors decided that they weren’t willing to subject her to that pigweed at trial. So even though they, on paper, could have potentially ensured this scumbag would die in prison, they cut a deal that resulted in that 18-month phrase and a $15,000 fine.

The way her attacker’s lawyer treated her would be considered grossly unethical even then. Today, it would probably be grounds for disbarment if I had any say in the matter. You simply don’t browbeat witnesses in this way — especially if they’re minors. He may have been a defense attorney, but he was also an officer of the court.

Crystal was scarred for years as a result. On top of being in an abusive home, it led her to want to commit suicide at 18.

Years later, Crystal’s husband hit her for what would be the first of many times — when she was eight months pregnant. As part of that beating, he hit her in the leg, which was especially hurtful given how far along she was. She took out a restraining order, but the magistrate literally laughed at her because it wasn’t a “knock down drag out” assault. In the end, she even had to pay court costs. Ironically, she got married in hopes of escaping the abuse.

The memories of being browbeaten by that lawyer years earlier, combined with essentially being blown off by the magistrate, resulted in Crystal not trusting the criminal justice system to protect her. Until her divorce last year, she was beaten and yelled at numerous times — and yet, was too scared to report it.

Fortunately, contrary to the stereotype, enough people in her town know her ex-husband is a monster. For instance, she had a nervous breakdown two years ago, and the doctors treating her at the hospital told her that her husband was 99 percent of the problem. Before then, the police who came ahead of the ambulance told her that they knew he was an abusive jerk who belonged in jail, and told her to call them next time.

Crystal has been diagnosed with PTSD, and finds it hard to trust people close to her. And all of this because at least two of the people who were morally and legally obligated to protect her didn’t.