Don’t ban violent video games as soon as possible

A bunch of dumb twitter users begging to be noticed.

Friends, you don’t hear me say this often but I am a man of vast and endless humility and when I make a mistake, I have the wherewithal to admit it like no one else. I’m so humble I should probably receive some kind of recognition. Anyway, about two years ago I wasn’t quite the idol I have become today and my views were sometimes a little underdeveloped and short-sighted. And when I say idol, I don’t mean rockstar or celebrity, I mean the actual definition of idol. Here it is for my uneducated readers (this is an article about video games after all):

An idol is an image or other material object representing a deity or spirit to which religious worship is addressed or any person or thing regarded with admiration, adoration, or devotion. -Wikipedia

You see, way back in 2015 I made the mistake of posting the following tweet which has since started to gain a lot of attention, for reasons unbeknownst to me. Some 13-year-old kid with a gaming blog probably posted about it and encouraged his readers to attack me for not having the Online Gaming Community’s Approved Opinion™. Here’s the tweet:

Please let me take a moment to disavow this naive tweet and right this wrong. I no longer feel that violent video games should be banned. Instead, I now know that all video games, violent or not, must be banned immediately.

In the past few days everyone and his seven alter egos has come at me about my hatred of violent video games. As you can see from the picture above, literally hundreds of pre-pubescent teens, 20-something slackers, basement-dwellers and unemployed white males have reached out to me to “discuss” why my opinion was wrong. Eventually I ran out of room to show all of the examples of bad logic. And I also got tired of basically re-posting the same exact message over and over. Nonetheless, to these users I can say that their message has arrived loud and clear: video games turn people into sniveling idiots.

The most common message I’ve received is that since Hitler, the most universally accepted bad human being in the history of mankind, did not play video games then they cannot cause violence. This argument is abhorrent. These are the kinds of mouth-breathing, armpit-scratching knuckle-draggers who also think that famous no-neck having William H. Taft is irrefutable proof that McDonald’s doesn’t make people lazy tubbos. Hilarious! Oh, and by the way, that enigma machine looks a heck of a lot like another piece of technology that terrorized an entire generation of Americans.

One directly caused the deaths of countless men and the other encrypted messages.

I’m not going to sugar-coat the truth: video games cause degeneracy, violence and more often than not, death. Even the left-wing media cannot conceal the truth about the countless human tragedies caused by video games anymore. That Norwegian jerk who killed all those kids, you guessed it, he used video games to plot his attack. Bin Laden even used them to train Al-Qaeda recruits. ISIS is still successfully using Grand Theft Auto to target and radicalize vulnerable children. And otherwise decent humans have murdered over MMOs. Then there were those two misfit losers who invented the modern day school shooting. And don’t even get me started on my own experience with video games and their disgustingly racist fanbases. Honestly, the list goes on and on and on. Video games are worse than China’s cultural revolution, the plague, smallpox and SARS bundled into one thing. Except that with video games, governments are still complacent and even the WHO is too scared of Big Betta Pharmaceuticals to put their foot down and finally admit that gaming is a mental disorder. It took generations to dismantle slavery and systemic racism, so it will probably take even longer to destroy the video gaming industry, despite the fact that it is far worse.

Looking past the physical violence that video games cause to society, I noticed a trend in the messages I was receiving from complete strangers who were up in arms about my hatred of violent video games: an undeniable sense of entitlement. Random strangers were demanding from me — one of America’s top journalists — a defense, an explanation or an argument for my personal desire that violent games be banned. So I did a little research and it comes as no surprise that gamers are more likely than others to be narcissists. And that makes a lot of sense when you consider that video games universally teach otherwise irrelevant children that their actions actually matter and that they have some purpose. Moreover, the anonymity in virtually all online games turns good people into frothing lunatics. Video games must be stopped.

It’s not a matter of if, but a matter of when all video games will be banned in the entirety of advanced western civilization. Luckily there are several brave, wholesome organizations fighting hard to restore morality to the wholesome America in which I grew up in and that I love. I highly recommend following all of these patriotic heroes:

Mothers Against Videogame Addiction and Violence
Parents Television Council
Moms Against Gaming
Jack Thompson’s Organization

In the end, there is already some light at the end of the tunnel. Popular video game-addict Edward Castronova described in his book Exodus to the Virtual World: How Online Fun Is Changing Reality how an entire generation of Americans are choosing to exit reality and spend the majority of their free time in online worlds. And a lot of people are even foregoing meaningful employment in favor of playing video games all the time. While there isn’t currently any technology available to trap these sadistic gamers in their online fantasies we do have one last hope: video game addicts desire sex less than normal human beings. Hopefully this will translate into fewer births of children with this crippling mental disorder.