Pattern: On the Wagon, Off the Wagon; Gym, coffee and shows
Sunday night meditations are the worst.
I managed to go seven days without coffee, thereby breaking the what was building up to be an addiction. Quitting coffee is easy — I’ve done it twice this year! — but I felt like I was getting too mentally reliant on it as a crutch.
For the first few days of the streak, I was simply substituting it with teh. This wasn’t ideal, although overdosing on sweet hot teh kind of broke me the other way and I shut both out for the last days of the week. Hopefully this time I have better control, and I shall now only use caffeine as a tool, and not be thus controlled.
Day 8, I broke the broken streak, took some coffee because I wanted to get going and lift. I shall do so tomorrow again, as well.
I started doing coffee to lift, because I read Scott Adams’ guide to failure (and working out). This entire week, coincidentally, I kept putting it off and refusing to get out of bed. This was not good, but I am glad I managed to re-start the routine.
I shall continue it. No more excuses, back for the calluses.
…I’m too lazy to write this.
Today I set a puzzle. That is difficult thinking (future puzzles will be tougher) but I am proud of it. And I unfortunately didn’t accomplish much else, but I must.
I did two shows this week.
I suppose in years past, it would have been an accomplishment. I just did a festival where I was in almost every show — that was exciting, and a fantastic tally — but that was all in the past.
I find myself sometimes feeling massive FOMO — I guess I wanted to be in every show, know everybody, talk to and work with everybody. That’s not possible, and it takes a toll on fatigue and performance. At times, though, I feel intentionally left out, disbarred, put away, excluded, especially when cool things happen to other people.
It’s not a healthy attitude, this envy, this wanna-be-better.
I have not figured out how to think about this. The Stoic framework would suggest I strive to be a better person, both in terms of guiding and helping others, and that should suffice, rather than covet needlessly other people’s experiences. Perhaps that’s an important thing to learn — to do my own work, and take responsibility, and find my own shows.