Patter: Catharsis; Weakness / Strength

Shorter this time; pattern > patter

Catharsis

Someone tried to apologise to me after I’d stopped speaking to them. This invalidated and defeated the point of me cutting them off, but to be fair, it was my fault for bothering to read/address their message.

Catharsis. The person was trying to seek catharsis, to make themselves feel better. It didn’t really matter the reasons why they were cut off, or our clashing motivations and beliefs and the reasons for disagreement. In this instant, the apology was not for my benefit, but for theirs — they could feel exonerated, the circle squared, the loop closed, they could wash their hands and unburden themselves and go on with their lives.

You can tell from my upset tone I’d rather they be burdened by the weight forever, but perhaps next is my turn to seek catharsis.

Weakness / Strength

I feel extremely terrible about myself. When I look at myself (metaphorically) I see the opportunity costs, the what-could’ve-beens, the wasted years, the time I’m wasting now writing this.

I signed up for a gym membership. In a way, I bought into bro-culture and Brodin the incredible persuasiveness of writing that discussed The Iron Church, strength from weakness, and the bar never letting you down. I feel like there’s a lot to cultivate, a habit of personal development and challenge.

Already the struggle is real. I felt the mental discipline and the slippage thereof; the struggle is about getting me to the gym. Once I’ve dragged my arse out of bed at 5 and headed down, I lift and it’s cool; all the exhaustion and exertion happens in between the bed and the gym. This few weeks, the bed has won out, and Brodin is displeased.

This is how iron in the head rusts, falters, bends and breaks along stress lines. This is perhaps why I want to reaffirm and commit to at least trying to lift (wheyman).