Growing up Gay in the Netherlands
The challenges of growing up gay in different countries….

In my series of interviews on how gay guys grew up all over the world, I chatted with Luca, a 42 year old about growing up gay in the Netherlands.
Where did you grow up?
I grew up in a small city called Den Helder in the Netherlands.
How easy was it to be gay in the place you grew up? Is there a gay scene?
It was very easy for me to come out and be gay in the city where I lived, also because I have a very open minded family.
We have a big gay scene over here, so I think I can say I had an easy “coming out” and gay life.
What are the laws on LGBTQ people in your country, e.g. age of consent, same sex marriage etc?
I don’t know the laws we have, but if I want to get married to my partner of the same sex I can, and I can adopt children if I want to.
How old were you when you realised you were gay and when did you realise there was a whole LGBTQ world out there?
I felt at a really young age that I was different, I was around 8 or 9. My mom told me this story that one day I came to her and said that I get strange feelings in my tummy when I see my next door neighbour and friend.
When did you come out? And how did your family and friends react?
From that day my mom always thought that I was going to be gay. I “came out” at 14 years old.
I started to sneak out in the middle of the night when I was 15 and go to the city centre and hang around the gay bars. I got in contact with other gay people and started to go there more often and so I was introduced to the gay scene.
My friends and family accepted me from day one.
Have you ever had any issues with being gay at work or out in public?
No I never had that at all.
Do you have a partner? What was your longest relationship?
I have a partner right now but he lives in another country, so we are really busy with all the documents to get him here to live with me.
My longest relationship was 4 years, but he died in 1997. If he was still alive I think I would still be with him today, he was really my soulmate.
What are your views on open relationships?
I really am not into open relationships because I think if you are together with someone, then you don’t need someone on the side.
Do you remember what your first sexual experience was like?
Yes it was with an older guy and he taught me everything. It was a really special experience for me.
Who is in charge in the bedroom — the top or the bottom?
I think the top, or at least, I’m always in charge :)
Do you use Grindr? If so, what’s the dirtiest thing someone has said to you?
Yes I use Grindr for occasional hookups. The dirtiest thing someone asked me was if I would shit on someone’s face, and I said “no hahaha not my cup of tea”.
