Kindness

Green to this.
Where’s a manual when you need one?
The back of your hands, no good to you now.
Right angles,
It’s all shaped wrong when it should be rolling.
You’re pining every trick this box hasn’t got.

Support her and don’t let her see you cry.

That was his rule he made for himself when he walked into it. The danger was high and the outcome inevitable but this was his last word. Be the friend. On a bright and sunny day he walked to the square and said a feeble ‘Hi’.

It’s alright…
didn’t I tell you so?
It’s alright.
It’s all in the process.
It’s alright.
You’re all set to go.
So don’t give me that look…
’cause I know you’re up to it.

That doesn’t mean he didn’t cry; no he fell apart the moment the last ‘see ya’ was said under the breath. With each step his vision flooded with salt water, chamber after chamber like a warship being honorably scuttled at sea.

My favourite thing,
to walk out on the bridge and look back on Manhattan,
under sunset covers while the city lights up.
You’ll find yours,
whoever, whatever you need, it’ll be here.
Guaranteed under amongst these golden oak streets

She saw of course…but it was beyond his control by that point. Somewhere between the tears the feeling of the right thing was burried. See, he had this idea of a ‘Prime self’. Being Prime was to do the things that the he he wants to be would do. This action, showing love by self abandonment, was the embodiment of the man he worked alone to become.

It’s alright…
’Cause I’m telling you so.
It’s alright.
It’s all in the process.
It’s alright.
You’re all set to go.
So don’t give me that look…
’cause I know you’re up to it.

Months later, another sunny day, high above the same square, the same boy and same girl were saying goodbye. Strung out on a lack of sleep and acute pain he labored on in laser sharp words designed to show he cared. Fighting tooth and nail for one moment more on his sinking ship.

Just one place.
Just one place,
to make amends.
Just one friend.
Just one friend,
that’s all it takes.

Under a concrete structure, his tear ducts flooded like grand ballrooms on the titanic. The water shouldn’t be here, not now. There will be a day he realizes this isn’t fighting for what prime him wanted. The him of then wanted to make a statement in pain and anger: “I cared.” The prime him wanted her happy, however; with or without him. That’s how love works. Personal want and selfish cause beg revenge for petty pain. Love is not letting her see you cry so she can leave with peace and without pain. This wasn’t that. This was total and absolute failure. There are few things in life you should regret, but this truly matters.

It’s alright.
Didn’t I tell you so?
It’s alright.
It’s all in the process.
It’s alright,
and you’re all set to go.
so don’t give me that look…
’cause I know you’re up to it.

As black strands fades to brown, his today fades to tomorrow, his self-help work is not nearly done and his best days are ahead of him. Her best days of love are ahead for her too. Perhaps seeing him as his mistakes helped her move on to better places, maybe it eventually added peace with the ticking clocks…but peace in the past is never based in anger. Only kindness and the truth can bring peace. So this is kindness in repentance for a mistaken past and in anticipation of a better future for them, even without him: #🙂🍍

Lyrics by Imogen Heap from “The Song that Never Was.”

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