The only spectre in Spectre is the script writing

Okay, I hated Spectre. Enough that I’m prompted to explain why in more detail.

But in summary it’s because the script writing is inherently lazy — it’s one thing using accepted genre shorthand conventions, but it’s another when sub-standard plotting simply insults the intelligence of the audience.

First of all, I accept Bond IS a genre movie — thrills, spills, fantasy action adventure. And I rather enjoy action movies.

I accept that the laws of physics are often broken, that the bad guys aim poorly, while the good guys are crack shots.

A good dollop of Deus Ex Machina is to be expected.

But there’s such an overwhelming number of lazy plot devices, and unexplained or convenient turn of events that I just couldn’t sit there without squirming.

Here are the worst…

1. A whole building explodes and then collapses in Mexico City, yet thousands of people enjoying the Day of the Dead celebrations march on oblivious. A whole building!! No-one is running, no-one is screaming. No reaction whatsoever (this is a recurring theme)
2. Bond and the henchman engage in the world’s most boring car chase through the streets of Rome. Apart from one chap in his Fiat 500 (almost certainly paid-for inclusion) there’s no-one on the streets, no police giving chase. In fact the whole sequence is without any merit or reason — it’s simply a car chase in order to feature the new Aston Martin.
3. Why is the henchman trying to kill Bond when Christophe Waltz’ stated aim is to reunite himself and Bond?
4. Where did the plane come from that Bond flies in Austria? It simply materialises?
5. Why does the torture machine conveniently unlock itself when the bomb goes off?
6. Why can Bond remember the token love interest even after the drill has pierced his memory centre?
7. Why is Bond able to walk out of the evil lair almost unimpeded and why did the entire complex explode after a single shot to a single valve? Health and safety, people!
8. Why was there a boat left at the bottom of the abandoned, soon to be demolished MI5 building?
9. Why was there a net on the ground floor of the MI5 building?
10. Why was the brand new home of MI5 and the new super spy facility across the river, just minutes away from a global launch, completely empty save for Andrew Scott’s character? Where are the staff? The guards?
11. Is anyone really buying that Bond shoots a helicopter down while stood in a moving speed boat?

And breathe….