Well said. I love the junk food metaphor!
“Romantic love” in my opinion is basically the mechanism and motivation of discovery. I don’t know this person — she is a mystery to me. Romance serves the process of discovery. But the more I know, the less romance there is by nature.
After a long time, romantic sparks may ignite occasionally when one surprises the other in some way.
But romantic love isn’t glue — it doesn’t hold people together. That belongs to sheer commitment and unselfish desire for the best of the other.
The other facet of love must be friendship. You have to like this person. Not 24/7 — because, believe me, there will be times when you won’t even like him or her. That’s where the commitment comes in (I love you regardless…).
This is from experience, although I am not a poster child for doing it “right” by any means (whatever that looks like). I’ve screwed up as much as I’ve done it well (just ask my wife and my kids). I have been selfish and self-serving and insensitive and even down-right rude. But — that’s where the commitment comes in.
Your article makes me nostalgic: this month we have been married for 37 years. No huge celebration, we just enjoyed being together — spent a day wandering around a little town in the Hill Country of Texas. We still love each other dearly in a “I-know-you-warts-and-all” kind of way. Which also builds trust. There are times we surprise each other (and thus a little mystery and romance remains). But most often we just like to be in each other’s presence.
