Daryl Lloyd Kenny
Jul 28, 2017 · 3 min read

Interesting read. I’m polyamorous and have a different view of the world though. People often ask me what it means to be poly and I respond by saying that for most people they go into meeting someone with a sense of ambivalence. Likely there’s some physical attraction and perhaps some rudimentary knowledge, but they have no feelings one way or another for that person. Poly people by contrast wesr their hearts on their sleeves and start from a place of love rather than ambivalence. I love by default and treat the person who is in front of me as the center of my world, whether I’ve known her for 5 minutes or 5 years. Occasionally, of course, someone will do or say something that changes my perception of them to a more negative place but that is not the default.

I discovered this for myself after the breakup of a long term relationship. Not wanting to settle down I instead decided to date many people. I didn’t call it poly then because I didn’t have a term for it.

At first it had a lot to do with rebound sex but after a couple of weeks sex became so plentiful that it was almost too much. My partners and I started having ordinary conversations during sex…just like chatting with your coworker while building something and before long sex almost completely fell off of the priority list.

As a result the relationships deepened and it didn’t take long before I realized that I really liked the people I was dating (all of them). When it started I assumed eventually I would have to choose someone, or that the ones that weren’t right would drift away. That was true to a point but I ended up with 4 of which it hurt to think about letting go.

The thing was that because of the arrangement (it was completely open and everyone knew what was going on) we weren’t there to “get” anything from each other. It wasn’t for validation or money and I didn’t prize anyone for her ability to produce children (2 of them already had children). It was one of the most liberating experiences to let go of everything and just enjoy someone’s company and love them for being who they are. Today I love people as much for being different than me as being alike. I love hearing different perspectives and ideas, I love it when someone has a strong opinion or political position, and I love to listen even if I don’t necessarily agree. That’s how growth happens. More than anything people like to be heard. Women especially like to feel important, they want to feel sexy, feel comfortable and cared for and sexually women just want a sex positive environment where they can say yes and enjoy it as much as the guys do without feeling judged.

Nothing feels better than being surrounded by people who love you.

As an aside I often tell people that most people who get married do so because of x, y or z, but get divorced because x, y or z changes. I am married now and I didn’t marry my wife because of things in common, although we do have things in common. I married her because we love each other and I knew that she would always be in my life. Marriage was a formality. We continue to have an open relationship and what’s special about ours is that nothing that happens with anyone else changes how things are between us. We are that couple who will have adjoining rooms in the old folks home and might get kicked out when the nurse finds the viagra in my sock drawer.

It sounds like you’ve had a hard time with finding love. Being bi you’re in a unique position to be loved by either sex, or perhaps both sexes. I hope you get the chance to experience what it feels like for someone to love you just because you’re you.

Daryl Lloyd Kenny

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I am the founder of Life Unbounded - a social movement with a focus on personal prosperity, personal liberty and vitality. I believe in libertarianism.