Could Arranged Marriages Come Back?
Before the Victorian era, when the concept of romance was created, people would join in perfect harmony for a plot of land, some cash or a cow. Love, whatever it meant then, was secondary. Only when romantic love became embedded into the way we looked at the world, and was harnessed as a marketing ploy by everyone from DeBeers to Viagra, did we become obsessed with its gossamer promise, as if our lives were movies.
The iPhone was the dawning of a new way of looking at the promise of love. With the help of algorithms and big-data, a vast sea of geolocated ‘fish’ became available at your fingertips. All you had to do was swipe. Suddenly, the image of immediate “chemistry-driven” romantic love was mechanized, and its flaws became ever more evident, the most important of which is that it’s about as common as winning the ten buck prize at the lottery, which is why movies have relied on it as a staple for so many decades. Because its cliches, usually piled on to the point of distraction are, essentially, an escapist dream.
So where are we now? An almost impossible ideal matched with the immediacy of online dating apps? What could go wrong? A lot. Online dating can definitely lead to real contentment and companionship but as a model, its inefficiencies and rough edges need adjusting, and over here at Dateskip we’re hoping to contribute to that process by adding a simple layer of accountability to the process.
But is there another way to look at love.
Research into arranged marriages seems to suggest that they have an awful lot going for them — and one of the key reasons is that they bypass the astonishing pressure of romantic love. Instead they start with a lesser goal. If the marriage is arranged, ‘getting along’ is probably the best you can hope for at the get-go. Of course, it turns out that getting along begets respect, which begets companionship, which begets…love. In other words, arranged marriages build in smaller steps, from lower expectations. Arranged marriages are the exact opposite of romance-driven marriages.
Contrast that with the movie version of love. The search for Mr. or Miss Right, the conviction that said Mr. or Miss Right has been found. The heady moments of cinematic love and sex. The soaring heights reached that lead to the perfect wedding day. And then what. Over time, reality sets in, along with the laundry, the bills, the daily commute, and most importantly the slow realization that Mr. or Miss Right has irrevocable personality traits that, try as you might to deal with them, you find intolerable. That romantic wedding day just gnaws at you now.
So maybe we need an app that can set up an arranged marriage for you…
Just for fun, we came up with one.
Arranged Marriage Redefined.
Problem: Finding a date is easy. Finding a life partner is hard.
Solution: Research shows that love in regular marriages declines rapidly and exponentially. Love in arranged marriages grows arithmetically, and statistics show they last longer. In other words arranged marriages are a more efficient marital selection approach. Arrangeo is a turnkey arranged marriage service that uses a complex life-history, multi-layer matching algorithm to find you the perfect life partner, and once you approve the digital package we send you, we’ll arrange everything, from pre-nup to wedding, honeymoon and beyond. We’ll even find you financing for your first home and help with couples counseling if external circumstances cause marital pressure to grow. We charge a flat fee per marriage, and a life-of-marriage fee per year of wedded bliss. Sometimes the past is better. Let Arrangeo prove it for you.