The Invisible Consequences of an Amazing Relationship

by Dr. Michael Arn & Dr. Ashley Arn

Everything you want or do in life comes with benefits and costs. Nothing is totally great or bad.

Some of the worst things in life have unintended benefits…

Lets rap about something everyone would say isn’t good for your life…

Drinking too much alcohol.

You can also get some hidden “benefits” when you drink too much.

You get a release from the stress of life and can let go.

People connect to you through your drinking or your drinking problem.

Your drinking problem gives you an excuse for not taking action or for inappropriate behavior.

Drinking gives you certainty that you can alter how you feel this moment without having to do any hard mental or emotional work.

These are just a few of the “benefits”.

So you can see that even the most terrible things have some unintentional benefits or consequences.

The reverse is also true.

Some of the best things in life have unintended consequences.

Having a lasting relationship full of love and desire is one of the greatest experiences in life.

That and being a parent are two of life’s experiences that can bring you pure unbridled love and ecstasy.

But guess what.

There are invisible consequences and costs to having an amazing relationship.

Let’s look at what these consequences are for having an amazing lifelong relationship….

1. You can no longer have spontaneous priorities and you can’t let life dictate what’s important to you.

You must prioritize love & your relationship. No matter what exciting adventures life throws your way, your relationship comes first.

To have a great relationship you need to look at life under the umbrella of your relationship, not outside of it.

2. You are no longer the sole choicemaker in your life.

You are a choicemaking team. If you want an amazing relationship, you can no longer sprint through life making choices that are in your best interest at your whim.

You must actively join with your partner as a team to make choices together to have a great relationship. This will often be difficult and you will want to run away from doing this at times.

3. Your needs won’t always come first anymore. You will be continuously managing competing needs with your partner for the rest of your lives. You will be juggling the relationship’s needs, your partner’s needs and your needs.

Every decision will be weighing these three competing needs. It will be problem solving on steroids and you will need self-awareness and emotional fitness to get through this.

4. You can’t blame your partner or anyone else for your problems.

To have a great relationship, you have to give up blaming other people for your life. You will have to take responsibility for your thoughts, feelings and actions. This is one of the hardest things to do in life.

Blaming others feels so good and is difficult to give up.

5. You can’t avoid getting outside of your comfort zone.

You can no longer avoid doing the hard things in life. No more avoiding someone who makes you feel uncomfortable today. No more ghosting on someone because something they’re doing is annoying you.

In an amazing relationship, you will confront your greatest fears and insecurities. Your relationship is the best place to confront and overcome your greatest fears and doubts, but its really hard. It takes a lot of work.

6. You can no longer avoid failure and feeling embarrassed.

In a great relationship, you will make constant mistakes and will feel like a failure sometimes. You’ll also feel embarrassed by your behavior or by the state of your relationship at times.

The path toward a great relationship requires you to fail and grow. It is really a series of failing and growing throughout the rest of your life.

You will have to reframe what failure means to you so that you can tolerate going through the failures to get to the other side.

These are some of the invisible consequences of finding and creating a great relationship.

The pure joy of being in a relationship with someone who is YOUR PERSON is one of the best feelings in the world.

The benefits FAR outweigh any invisible consequences. At the same time you want to go into it with your eyes wide open so that you can face the harsh realities involved head on.

We help our clients transform their love lives everyday. We teach them how to follow a simple system to find love with the right person. You need a simple system otherwise it’s too easy to get off track. When your emotions get messy, following a proven system is the surest way to move through the tough times so that you can regain positive momentum and find the one for you.

Book a free Single to Soul Mates Session with us so we can discover what is holding you back from finding lasting love. We will jump on a call with you and “get under the hood” so we can diagnose the problems and give you a blueprint for success.

This free session is only for motivated people who want to change their love lives right now:

http://bit.ly/2gzcoo7

Dr. Ashley & Dr. Michael Arn

Originally published at datetosoulmate.com on April 5, 2017.

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