A life without

This is my life

So…I guess a basic overview is needed, huh? Sigh…well then. At some point, many years ago, I realized, and had many conferences with counselors and doctors over this fact, that I had bipolar disorder. And, at another point, I realized I couldn’t keep hiding behind that. With…something like 4-6 years in between. Yep. So…diagnosis at 23 (by a PA, so doctors and counselors still don’t take my mania seriously), and between 27 and 29, I actually started trying to do something about it. Sigh.

First point: Type 2. There are three types, and at least between type 1 and type 2, type 2 is the easiest to contol. The third type is called cyclothymia, which is very similar to type 2, but the treatments are virtually the same. The thing with Type 2 is that it is easily misdiagnosed as depression, or anxiety. And yes, I have and still do struggle with depression and anxiety, but those are not my only struggles, as mania rears it’s ugly head far too often…

Mania. It does not mean I’m happy. It does not mean I feel good. It means, to oversimplify by a lot, that there are times when I have a ridiculous amount of energy accompanied by a lack of impulse control…and an increase in physical and sexual aggression. Yes, this means I make bad financial decisions when manic(bankruptcy pending), have gotten in a fair amount of fights (goodbye to at least one bar/restaurant where I used to be welcome…), and yes, certain other moral compromises may have been made over the years. I am receiving help, finally…I finally found a decent combination of medications, and a counselor that knows when to listen to me vent and when to offer little bits of advice(he does a great job of actually figuring out what I’m struggling with, so that is a big help). Anyway…overview…over. But I have a lot more to say on the subject, and a lot more to come. But I think I’m good for now.

Later.