Daddy, Can I Have Dessert?

3yo: “Daddy, can I have dessert?”
Me: “When you’ve finished dinner”
3yo: “How much do I have to eat?”
Me: “All of the egg on your plate”
3yo: “All of it?”
Me: “Yes”
3yo: “But I can’t”
Me: “Then you don’t get dessert”
3yo: “But I need help eating it”
Me: “No, you need to eat it yourself. I can’t eat your dinner for you.”
3yo: “Do I have to eat all of it?”
Me: “Yes”
3yo: “That bit?”
Me: “Yes”
3yo: “and that bit?”
Me: “Yes”
3yo: “and that bit too?”
Me: “Yes, all of it”
3yo: “What about the bit I spilled on the floor?”
Me: *sigh* “No, you don’t have to eat that bit”
3yo: “I can’t eat the rest. It’s too much.”
Me: “Then you don’t get dessert”
3yo: “Can you help me eat it?”
Me: “No”
3yo: “But I don’t know how to eat it”
Me: “Use your fork”
3yo: “But I can’t pick all the bits up”
Me: *twitch* “Then use your fingers”
3yo: *Picks up a handful of egg; smears onto face*
Me: “Eat it properly, or you don’t get dessert”
3yo: *frowns* *eats sensibly*

TIME PASSES

3yo: “Daddy?”
Me: “What?”
3yo: “Have I eaten enough?”
Me: “No”
3yo: “How much more?”
Me: “All of it”
3yo: “That bit too?”
Me: “All of it on your plate”
3yo: “What if I spill some?”
Me: *blood pressure rising* “Then you have to eat that too”
3yo: “But I already spilled some. Do I have to eat that?”
Me: “GAH. If you spill any more, you have to eat it. You can’t get out of eating it by spilling it.”
3yo: *eats some more*

MORE TIME PASSES

3yo: “Daddeeeee?”
Me: “WHAT”
3yo: “Have I eaten enough?”
Me: “No. There is still egg on your plate”
3yo: “How much more?”
Me: “ALL OF IT ON YOUR PLATE.”
3yo: *whines*
Me: “THAT’S IT. I’M LEAVING THE ROOM. COME AND GET ME WHEN YOU’VE FINISHED.”

I walked back into the room 10 minutes later, and all the egg was eaten. Every last scrap. I stayed true to my word, and gave Mr 3 his dessert.