From my daughter, 7.

Conversations with My Email

Gmail recently added a new feature to its Inbox product. Smart replies essentially predict your responses. I’ve been beta testing the product for months. Here’s a random selection of some of my recent smart auto-replies.

  1. Wanna see Marco Rubio’s American Express Statements? Because they’re attached.
  2. It’s been 5 minutes since I ordered lunch. Where the fuck’s my drone?
  3. Hillary, seriously: Stop. Emailing. Me.
  4. Any references to the Country Music Awards are accidental.
  5. Check out this photo from my recent trip:

6. Hey, this probably sounds weird, but I can’t stop thinking about that Walk of Shame episode of Game of Thrones. Like, ever…

7. If I can get eleven more of you to click the link below, I’ll be on the main stage at the next GOP debate.

8. If you need to reach me urgently, please contact my hologram.

9. Jeb Can Fix It (see the terms of service for details.)

10. If this is you Andreessen, blah, blah, blah. We’re in a bubble and you know it.

11. “Whatever Trump Said…”

12. This email is brought to you by DraftKings.

13. Sincerely, Iron Ass

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