Radiohead Meets With My Shrink

Notes from a therapy session during which I only spoke in phrases from Radiohead’s new album.

I won’t get heavy. Keep it light. Keep it moving.

There’s no need for that. We can get as heavy or light as you feel would be helpful.

You really messed up everything. Why should I be good if you’re not?

How do you feel about the idea that I might not be good?

It was just a lie, just a lie.

Talk more about lying.

Truth will mess you up.

I remember a few years ago you complained that you felt like a Creep. Any movement on that?

This is a low flying panic attack. Avoid all eye contact. It’s too late. The damage is done … The damage is done. This goes beyond me. Beyond you!

But I’m guessing it doesn’t go much past your mother? Am I right?

In your life, there comes a darkness. And there’s nowhere to hide. We’re trapped, we’re dark cloud people. So dark. So dark. We are helpless to resist.

What would happen if you didn’t resist? Can we explore the darkness?

It was just a lie. Your system is a lie. It’s like a weapon of self defense against the present.

In the interest of expediency, I’m gonna just come out and ask you this. Have you considered maybe listening to a little Pharrell Williams, Bruno Mars, Bobby McFerrin, Cold Play … at this point even listening to The National might get your spirits up a bit.

Panic is coming on strong.

Last week you kept complaining about someone named Becky. That she had done something terrible…

So cold, from the inside out. I don’t really care. I feel this often.

Well you definitely feel this way at least three times a week.

I’m not living. I’m just killing time.

Speaking of which, we’re out of it for today.

Dave Pell writes NextDraft. His shrink is not a subscriber.