Sixteen Quick Thoughts on Pussy-gate

  1. Trump is never gonna be able to defeat the Cyber if he can’t even beat a 2005 video-recorder.
  2. Billy Bush apologized and said he was younger and less mature back then. (He was 33.)
  3. Sunday Night’s debate should get moved to Cinemax.
  4. Trump just got one of those Facebook messages that prompt you to “share this memory from 11 years ago with your followers.”
  5. The October surprise will be if Trump is still on the ballot in November.
  6. If this doesn’t bring Marc Andreessen back to Twitter, nothing will.
  7. Somewhere, Anthony Weiner is quietly plotting his next run for office…
  8. For the first time in decades, the Bush family is going to invite Billy to Thanksgiving dinner. Think about it. Billy Bush had a bigger impact on the election than Jeb Bush.
  9. Trump ruined Tic Tacs. His son ruined Skittles. This is a war on candy.
  10. Forget being elected President of the United States. Donald couldn’t even get elected president of the Trump Tower Co-op Board at this point.
  11. Gary Johnson just released a statement: “Pussy?”
  12. Tonight, I’m going to let my kids walk in on me taking bong hits and watching porn. Anything to distract them from asking about Trump. (And I thought Mike Pence saying “I spend a little time on my knees each day” would be the dirtiest part of the campaign.)
  13. First Lochte… Now Trump… Billy Bush is the Douche Whisperer.
  14. Trump referred to his comments as locker room banter. Here was some typical banter from my high school football locker room. Coach: “OK, men. Let’s hit the field and win this game.” Me: “I’ll be out in a few minutes. I think I have a little diarrhea again.”
  15. Here’s a new one: Furniture as an aphrodisiac.
  16. Sadly for Trump, the rest of his campaign has also been caught on tape.

Dave Pell writes NextDraft, The Day’s Most Fascinating News.

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