Ten Things That Occurred to Me When Someone Turned the Twitter Off
Twitter went down for a few minutes on Thursday night.
- It was immediately clear that these would be the most productive moments I’ve had in years.
- My kids are asleep by ten pm on weeknights. That means, at some point over the last few years, they must have figured out how to put themselves to bed. (Also, I have a daughter.)
- Cable news on in the background while you’re tweeting? Pretty bad. Cable news alone, horrible.
- Thank god I was hitting Sativa when the Twitter went off. Indica and an outage might have pushed me over the edge.
- I’m not sure why this one popped into my head, but I think Jack Dorsey should shave the beard.
- I tried over and over to get a Tweet through because I had to post what seemed like an urgent take about Donald Trump. (Sidenote: I’m just a dude on my couch.)
- There’s been a beeping in my kitchen for years. I finally got up and did something about it. (Pushed against the fridge door until it was fully closed.)
- Here’s a new business model idea for Twitter: Turn the service off. Wait for your hardcore users to flip out — and then force them to pay a huge ransom to get their digital drug dispenser turned back on. And I’m not pointing fingers. I’d mortgage my house after about forty-five minutes.
- For a second I thought Erdogan’s bodyguards might have unplugged the server.
- My hair is gray now. Also, I could have sworn I said no dogs.