“The Intern”: A CEO’s Review
From retired executive to startup intern, Robert De Niro’s character, Ben Whittaker is the all-hands-on-deck player I desperately want on my team, but not for the reasons you think.
I laughed, I cried… I thoroughly enjoyed “The Intern”. You are going to hear a lot of well-deserved positive reviews about this movie from a lot of people, this one is different.
I am Jules Ostin — Anne Hathaway’s character — a startup CEO under tremendous pressure to bring success and happiness to those at work and at home.
Jules recently founded the online clothing company About The Fit, which has exploded to over 200 people in eighteen months — a similar story to Gilt Group and One Kings Lane (whose founders Hathaway spent time with while researching this role). Jules has a young daughter and committed husband at home whom she works very hard to prioritize above her meetings, staff, investors and trips. Plus — with all the growth, investors believe she may crash under the pressure and are pushing her to hire a “seasoned CEO”.
While the company my partner and I founded today is much smaller and are not VC backed — the pressures are the same.
De Niro’s character is a saving grace, but it highlights a stigma in the startup world; founders need help.
There is a growing stigma that successful founders need to be solitary rockstars. They need to handle the pressure alone, command the future, know what to say, how to act, what to do and how to manage, all by themselves.
It’s a lie — a big fat one.
Imagine hearing that your boss — with whom you have committed time/energy/salary/sleep, OR your golden girl founder whom you have invested millions of dollars with — is seeing a therapist. Feeling as secure now?
You should. You should feel better. Yes! Better that they are able to recognize the pressures they are under, and want to get through them successfully, maturely, calmly and effectively.
That is who Ben Whittaker really represents: the help so many of us truly need.
This year several startup founders committed suicide.
Upon hearing these painful stories, I felt incredible sorrow. Imagine what they must have felt at the end. A long term solution for a short term problem — but for them, founders facing seemingly insurmountable pressure and possible failure — this was the only solution they could see.
Entrepreneurs are, in fact, by their very nature the kind of people who see a problem and act to fix it, but seemingly, in situations like this, they are too close to the subject matter, they need a second voice to see beyond all of the pressure, stress and possible looming failure.
Ben Huh, the CEO of Cheezburger has seen startup founders approach him since he wrote a post called “When Death Feels Like a Good Option” and publicly acknowledged a period of suicidal thoughts in 2001.
In the recent and widely read Business Insider post on founder Depression/Suicide, Huh commented, “What creates that barrier to support is that notion that a CEO is a strong, tough male figure who acts masculine and doesn’t ask for help or assistance.”
Upon hearing about the latest suicide I reached out to over twenty founders, investors, friends and acquaintances whom I thought might want to talk about solutions. Two responded. One met with me on a recent trip to San Francisco to talk for a very awkward few minutes — I suspect he thought I might be suicidal and wanted to make sure we spoke. I’m not.
“I would help. Not sure how, but it seems needed, so many people reach out when this happens.” Nothing since…
Stigma.
While I’m not currently a ball of tears, fear and terror —would it make me any less of a leader if people discovered that I was? Would it detract from all of my achievements? If I am completely honest, there are times when I feel the fear and there are times when my emotions get the best of me. Who can honestly say that they’ve never experienced a time like this — when they felt helpless, feared they would lose their job and would no longer be able to provide the necessary support at home. And they didn’t have 10, 50, 100 people who would also lose their jobs, their livelihood, should the worst happen. And yet I can’t imagine going to any of my peers or elders (advisors, investors, friends) and asking if they have seen anyone and whom they could recommend. This most private experience of seeking help in certain areas is still considered inconceivable.
When asked on Quora, “do many startup founders go to therapy?” Robert Scoble, blogger, technical evangelist, and author posted his personal experience. “I know quite a few that do go, or, at least, go to executive coaches, which often are the same thing, albeit higher priced. But they never will admit it and only talk about it behind closed doors and in off-the-record conversations. Why? Getting mental health help is seen as weak in US culture for some lame reason. I’ll admit I go and my therapist says she sees many startup execs in her practice but she’ll never name names because that would decimate her business.”
Running a startup is terrifying. It is one of the most rewarding things I have ever done, but also the hardest. Not since I dropped out of college in my senior year to take care of my sick father have I felt the kind of emotional roller coaster accompanied by a deep sense of motivation that I do right now towards my family, my co-founder, my team and my company.
When my father passed away I was told by many people to seek grief counseling. It was the kind of thing that was obvious, there were people for that, systems in place — it was normal and expected.
When facing huge ups followed by crushing downs followed by massive highs followed by unfathomable lows no one tells you to seek help. They should. Having a confidante, a trained one, there to help you through this should be a necessity and offered to everyone. VC’s and Angel Groups alike should add it to their checklist of post-investment check-ins.
Founders should unite — and many have started thinking, talking and writing about it — but there has yet to be a groundswell or major leader pushing it.
While “The Intern” did not overtly make these points — I am. My sincere hope is that others will follow suit.
