Oh my dear Allan. All my available rooms are taken by Syrian refugees. There might be an opening on 12 — How are you at stuffing vine leaves?
Americans can always apply under our new “Trump refugee sponsorship program”. We’ll partner you with a happily married gay couple, get you set up with subsidized housing, a $50 gift card for Tim Hortons (worth nearly $8 US!), and can even help you learn English.
But be warned— if this is just a thinly-veiled attempt to sponge off our “socialist” healthcare system and stock up at Bed, Bath and Beyond when you couldn’t even give us the complete Netflix — I mean seriously — we’ll have you back in Park Slope faster than you can say “Air Canada cargo hold”.