Dave Goldstein – Medium

Dave Goldstein

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Doctor Funny

Thank You for Calling the Health Insurance Help Line.

Stressed? Don’t be. Stress causes illness. Which you can’t treat, because you don’t have insurance.

Oct 9, 2024

Thank You for Calling the Health Insurance Help Line.

Oct 9, 2024

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Published in
Slackjaw

An Open Letter To My Eleven-Year-Old Self: You Do Not, In The End, Turn Out To Be Very Much Like…

You turn out more like Jerry Orbach’s nebbish brother

Jul 9, 2024

An Open Letter To My Eleven-Year-Old Self: You Do Not, In The End, Turn Out To Be Very Much Like…

Jul 9, 2024

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Published in
Frazzled

Your Family’s Tsunami Preparedness Guide From Someone Whose Family is All But Certain to Die in a…

Best of luck… you’re going to need it

Jun 13, 2024

Photo of a large wave breaking.

Jun 13, 2024

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Published in
Jane Austen’s Wastebasket

FAQ: So You’re Trying to Get Out of Doing Your First Colonoscopy

Answers to your most pressing and ridiculous concerns

May 21, 2024

FAQ: So You’re Trying to Get Out of Doing Your First Colonoscopy

May 21, 2024

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FAQ About How To Make This Your Best Seder Yet, So Long As No One Brings Up Israel

Originally published by The Weekly Humorist on April 22, 2024

Apr 22, 2024

FAQ About How To Make This Your Best Seder Yet, So Long As No One Brings Up Israel

Apr 22, 2024

Published in
Doctor Funny

At Friendster, We Fact-Check The Ever-Loving Shit Out of Everything

And we all know you’re not going back to MySpace

Jan 28

At Friendster, We Fact-Check The Ever-Loving Shit Out of Everything

Jan 28

Published in
Doctor Funny

Alternative Titles to Classic 80’s Hits to Better Reflect 2024

Unclear if we’re dancing or dodging chunks of toxic debris raining down from the sky

Oct 24, 2024

Alternative Titles to Classic 80’s Hits to Better Reflect 2024

Oct 24, 2024

Published in
Frazzled

After Watching My Ten-Year-Old Perform in This Musical Improv Production, I No Longer Support…

I love the arts but…

Oct 21, 2024

The image shows three children dressed in colorful, retro-style outfits. One child in a yellow hoodie and sunglasses strikes a pose on the left, while a child on the right, wearing a striped shirt and red sunglasses, crouches with a smile. The third child, in the center, is performing a breakdance move, balancing on one hand with legs in the air. A boombox is visible in the background.

Oct 21, 2024

Published in
Frazzled

After Playing Magic The Gathering with You, a Child, I Have Concluded That My Life Is a Lie and I…

Hey Buddy. Yeah, I’d be happy to play your little Magic game.

Aug 5, 2024

Blurred image of a person holding up a Magic The Gathering card.

Aug 5, 2024

Published in
Doctor Funny

An Open Letter to Lisa Loeb: As I Approach 50, I’m Beginning to Accept that You and I Will Never…

Because all you need is love. And if not love, then matching eyewear.

Aug 2, 2024

An Open Letter to Lisa Loeb: As I Approach 50, I’m Beginning to Accept that You and I Will Never…

Aug 2, 2024

Dave Goldstein

Dave Goldstein

Dave's writing has appeared in McSweeney's, Weekly Humorist, Frazzled, Slackjaw, Jane Austen's Wastebasket, Tablet, and other places.

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