Boycott, Divestment, and Sanctions of Montgomery Buses Delegitimizes Buses

I am a bus driver. I would like to warn riders about the current campaign to boycott, divest, and sanction Montgomery buses led by radical terrorists of the Southern Christian Leadership Conference. Montgomery buses have been racially segregated since I got this job in 1948, and to allow Negroes to sit anywhere would destroy the democratic and Montgomery character of the state of buses.

Do not be fooled by their literature: the current bus boycott campaign does not seek an equal seat for any paying customer regardless of religion, race, or nationality. The boycotts seek to delegitimize buses themselves, period.

I am here to proclaim loud and proud to the whole world: buses are real things, buses have a right to exist, and buses are not hallucinated stretch-hearses.

When Rosa Parks remained in her seat, she was declaring that buses were illegitimate mid-century drink carts for an imaginary tyrant’s liquor collection. That is why we bus drivers must be vigilant in pointing out anti-mass transit bias in the civil rights movement.

The messaging of these civil rights terrorists is full of hate. When they say they want to “end Jim Crow,” what they really want to end is municipal, ground-level mass transit. When they protest “unjust discrimination,” they protest the city planner’s meticulously-crafted bus routes, my bus’ abnormally high turning radius, and the awesome beep noise that all large vehicles make when they back up.

Be on the lookout for dog-whistle songs like “We Shall Overcome.” It is an insulting reference to bus’ weak shock absorbers in overcoming speed bumps. “Strange Fruit,” is a slur referring to the slightly fruity smell that is prevalent on dirty buses. Or so I hear. My bus is very clean and smells like a very clean German Shepherd.

The SCLC’s tactics are inherently hateful and violent. By walking instead of taking the bus, the terrorists are implying that my job is not to drive a bus but to drive some sort of poisonous iron pill for giants. This evil “walking to work” tactic demonstrates the need to criminalize boycotts and fire live ammunition at journalists.

Thankfully, not everyone calls buses the monstrous squawking caterpillars of my daydreams. The main defender of buses against terrorists like the SCLC is the Americans for the Infrastructure of Public Automotive Cars (AIPAC). AIPAC argues buses have a right to segregate because pedestrians are segregated from cars and that any bus driver who says otherwise is a traitor. AIPAC maintains political influence by telling bus drivers that these arguments make sense, so we support them for supporting us.

Plus, buses pollute less than cars. Shouldn’t that mean that, for the sake of the environment, buses deserve to racially discriminate?

I used to be more sympathetic, but my years of experience as a bus driver have hardened me. I now firmly believe that any criticism of how a bus operates — including its fare, whether the driver is drinking mescaline, and yes, even racial segregation — directly questions whether buses are real objects or stork-like mystery machines that deliver the heavy, working babies of Montgomery to their homes.

And none of this would be an issue if it weren’t for those greedy globalist bankers who run the media.