Trust Me, I Know — Pigeons Aren’t Birds

“I mean, here’s a rat. A big, huge rat, right? Walking on your beautiful daughter. I mean, she’s gorgeous, right?”
Look, pigeons aren’t birds. Have you heard this? I’ve been talking to some very smart biologists and they all agree. Trust me. They’re not. It makes sense, right? No, a pigeon is actually a kind of winged animal. A rodent. You’ve heard it all your life, right? Rats with wings? People call them that. Everybody calls them that. Well, you know why, right? It makes sense. They tell me. I know it’s not a popular thing to say, but it’s true. I mean, you’re not going to hear it on TV. Not even in school. You’re not supposed to hear it. They won’t tell you. I’ll let you imagine why, but they don’t want to tell you that. But, trust me, I know. These biologists, they’re very smart. They told me all about it. They say, “you have to tell the people. The people deserve to know.” How about that, right? I mean, think about that. They chose me to tell you. They begged me to tell you. They’re desperate, right? No one listens. No one cares about it. I care about it. And I know you care about it. That’s why we’re here, right? I mean, you think about pigeons. You see them every day, right? Millions of pigeons. Central park. The beach. Down in Florida. Millions of pigeons. Every day. They’re on your car. They’re on the benches. They take food. They take food that your children have been eating, right? Those benches, you and your family sit there. Have a nice time. Have a pretzel, maybe. You know about rats, right? Something called the bubonic plague? You know about this. The Black Death, they call it. So many dead. So many good people dead. In England. All over the world. Hundreds of billions dead. Rats, right? It was rats on the ships that came and just billions of people, piles of bodies in carts. Just bodies in the street. And, here’s your daughter, lovely little dress on. Beautiful girl. Just beautiful. Pigtails. Her beautiful smile. She says, “Daddy, look at the bird! It’s so pretty. Look at it come and take my sandwich.” Right? I mean, here’s a rat. A big, huge rat, right? Walking on your beautiful daughter. I mean, she’s gorgeous, right? And here’s this thing, this rat. Its paws all over where she’s sitting. Where she’s eating. I mean, we are eating whatever these pigeons have. I mean, it’s in the air, right? It’s everywhere. The plague. You can’t see it. You don’t know. It’s in her hair. It’s in your hair. I mean, when are we going to do something about this, right? I mean, we all know it. Filthy animals. Filthy. What can you do? No one does anything. They don’t want to do anything. They want you to eat with your family, with your beautiful daughter, where these rats with wings. They have wings, right? I mean they fly. They fly everywhere. They’re on your windows, they’re in the water. The water we drink has pigeons in it. I’ve seen it. Trust me, I’ve seen it. They’re everywhere. I mean, when is someone going to do something. right? Trust me, I’m here to do something about it. These animals have to go, right? They have to go. Rats with wings. And we wonder why we’re getting sicker. We’re getting sicker, right? We all know it. Every year. Millions of people getting sick. Dying. People are dying left and right. I mean, does that sound like the plague? These biologists. Trust me, these biologists. Smart people, right? The smartest people. And you. We’re all smart people, right? You know I’m right. You know. Your daughters. Your beautiful daughters. Are we tired of this or what? Are we tired of sickness? Of filthy, disgusting animals in our food. In our water? I am here for you. And these FILTHY RATS HAVE GOT TO GO. Trust me. Thank you. God bless you. Thank you.
Thanks for reading. Pass it along if you find it worthwhile.
-David
