Is it Really Possible to Be a Happy Single?
Yes, it’s possible!
“Single is no longer a lack of options — but a choice. A choice to refuse to let your life be defined by your relationship status but to live every day Happily and let your Ever After work itself out.” — Mandy Hale, The Single Woman: Life, Love, and a Dash of Sass
Is it really possible to be happy while being single?
Have you ever dreamt of living a fulfilled life even though you are single?
Have you ever wanted to make a bigger difference?
Is it possible to become a purposeful single?
Over the years, I have asked myself these questions many times. It took me a while to realize that it’s absolutely possible to be happy and live a fulfilled life — all while being single.
There Is Even More!
God can even use me in much bigger ways than I thought. I just need to let Him do it.
Are you ready to discover how to become a happy and purposeful single?
1. Make Jesus Your Priority
It’s so tempting to put all your energy into finding “the one.” You may feel lonely. Likewise, you may wish to share your life with someone dear to your heart. Be assured, this desire is very normal. But in this process, you can easily lose sight of what is most important.
Don’t try to fill the void you are feeling, but fix your eyes on Jesus instead. He is with you on this journey. By making Jesus your priority instead of concentrating your energy to find your spouse as soon as possible, you will enter into a much greater dimension of life — a dimension of abundant blessing.
All you who fear God, how blessed you are! how happily you walk on his smooth straight road! — Psalm 128:1 (MSG)
If you make Jesus your priority, guess what will be happening. You will become more like Him. The more time you spend with Him, the more you will even emulate His actions and take up His work. Jesus will show you exactly how true love looks. Make it a priority to get to know Him better by regularly spending time in His presence. Jesus promises you that you will do great things if you abide in Him:
I am the vine; you are the branches. Whoever abides in me and I in him, he it is that bears much fruit, for apart from me you can do nothing. — John 15:5
Notice the word “much.” When you are connected to Him, you will leave behind your ordinary life — which was constantly in survival mode. As a result, you will live a life that is full. You will bear much fruit.
2. Give Thanks
If you have been single for a while, there is a chance that you have complained. I have had moments when I have experienced a lot of frustration because I had not yet found my wife. In addition, I stopped seeing many of the good things I actually had in my life. And I entered into a complaining mode: “It’s not fair that I am still single! Look, Jesus, I have served all these years faithfully. I have regularly attended Sunday services. And nothing happens! I have sought your kingdom first, but I am still alone!”
It’s not fair!
Does this sound familiar?
Likewise, the apostle Paul had many reasons to complain. He was single and totally committed to move forward with his dream project. He wrote: we are afflicted in every way, perplexed, persecuted and struck down (2 Corinthians 4:8–9). Because of his dream to plant churches, Paul spent many years of his life in prison.
He could have said, ”It’s not fair! I am fed up with this hardship. I give everything I have, and the only reward I get is more pain!” Considering his context, his answer is intriguing:
Give thanks in all circumstances; for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you. — 1 Thessalonians 5:18
All circumstances include those dark times when you feel lonely. Give thanks. Paul adopted a lifestyle in which he would always give thanks to God the Father for everything (Ephesians 5:20).
One night when in prison with his companion Silas, they started to sing hymns. Instead of complaining about how badly the Philippians treated them, they gave thanks to God. Their perspectives changed completely, and miracles happened that very night in prison. The earth shook, the prison gates sprung wide open and finally, the prison guard and his family accepted Jesus. And this was all due to a decision to give thanks.
When You Give Thanks, Your Perspective Will Change
Did Paul’s circumstances change? No. What changed was his perspective. You may say that you are single, but you are not alone. This new perspective gives you hope. Paul was still confident.
We are hard pressed on every side, BUT not crushed; perplexed, BUT not in despair; persecuted, BUT not abandoned; struck down, BUT not destroyed. — 2 Corinthians 4:8–9
Paul did not deny his circumstances. What he did was say I am this, BUT I have hope. BUT I do see the Lord at work. BUT I am not alone.
3. Share Your Deepest Fears with God
God is with you, and He likes to hear how you feel. There is nothing wrong about feeling frustrated, hurt, in despair or disillusioned. What is essential is what you do about it. Paul shared it. He had times when he was afraid, too. He was human as we are, you and me. While at Corinth, Paul was afraid. During the night, the Lord spoke to him in a dream.
Do not be afraid, but go on speaking and do not be silent, for I am with you, and no one will attack you to harm you. — Acts 18:9–10
How did God know that Paul was afraid? Obviously, God knows our deepest and innermost feelings. But I think Paul just told Him in his prayers.
Even Jesus, the son of God, did not hold back His feelings before dying at the cross. Alone in the garden, he poured out His heart to God. He told his disciples that His soul was very sorrowful, even to death (cf. Matthew 26:38). We are told that Jesus went three times to pray. God is not afraid of our innermost thoughts and feelings. He is interested in every single detail of our lives. So, share your deepest fears with Him. Paul told us exactly how to do it.
Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. — Philippians 4:6–7
In everything, we should do it. “Everything” includes your single life as well. When you share it with God with an attitude of gratefulness, you will receive a peace that exceeds your wildest imagination.
4. Hold on to God’s Promises
For we walk by faith, not by sight. — 2 Corinthians 5:7
As Christians, we know that there is a spiritual reality. What we see is just a part of the entire reality. When you feel lonely, you easily focus on what you solely see. On the other hand, while we pray, God is working on our behalf. And this is not always visible.
The Bible holds numerous promises, and they are invisible. We need to believe they will come to pass.
Joshua, the new leader of the Hebrews and successor of Moses, saw the walls of Jericho, the fortified city. He held on to his faith. God promised if he did not depart from the law, he would be successful. “But they are strong, better skilled than we!” he could have said. He held on God’s promise that He would deliver their enemies into their hands.
God promised Joshua that he would make a way across the Jordan River. The reality in which the Israelites found themselves looked completely different. Everybody could easily notice the effects of the rainy season. The river before their eyes was carrying much water. It was seemingly impossible to cross it.
That is what Joshua saw. But he believed that God could make a way.
We live by faith and not by sight. This means that instead of looking at your impossibilities, proclaim God’s promises. Speak out the truth over your life. When I feel lonely, I say I am not alone, because God is with me. When I think there is no hope anymore, I proclaim that God still is in control. When I do not see how God can provide, it reminds me that everything is possible with God.
God has so much more in store for you than you can imagine. He wants to bless you in multiple ways. Hold on to His promises.
5. Constantly Find Ways to Bless Others
A couple of years ago, I was on a mission trip to Cambodia. The physical work under the hot sun was difficult. In the evenings, we would then spend quality time with the team, and sometimes we would continue our discussions over a drink until late into the evening. Getting up early the next morning for another hard working day was challenging. The mission trip was anything but relaxing. But when I flew back home, I felt so fulfilled. The interactions we experienced within the team and with the Cambodians were very rich.
Now, look at this. I have spent many relaxing vacations at the beach or snowboarding in the beautiful Swiss Alps. Nonetheless, I observed something strange. I did come home relaxed but not that fulfilled. I did enjoy the relaxing vacations. No doubt. The mission trip, however, was much more gratifying, and my memories were more intense. Even now, more than two years later, it still feels as if it happened yesterday.
You probably have heard this quote. It is more blessed to give than to receive. I can tell you that it is true. Why? Because God wired us in this way. It’s a godly principle. The one who sows will reap. The one who will sow abundantly will reap abundantly.
I came home fulfilled from Cambodia because I was serving. When you start serving, you make a pivot from yourself to others. You stop focusing on your own needs. You will live for a higher purpose. It’s a noble cause to serve the people around you. If you do it, you will be in good company. The Son of Man (himself) did not come to be served, but to serve. (Matthew 20:28, italics mine). For that reason, we can constantly find ways to bless others.
Become a Happy and Purposeful Single
Put these steps into practice today, and you will see that you will become a happy, fulfilled and purposeful single.
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