3 Dumb Things That Happen In Infinity War
Beware the SPOILERS of War…
Don’t get me wrong. I loved, loved, loved Avengers: Infinity War! So much so I gave it my highest score in my last film review…
But even I must concede it had some DUMB moments. So DUMB it warrants its own post! But before I get into that, I’m about to hit you with SPOILERS, so if you haven’t seen Marvel’s tribute to the Red Wedding in Game of Thrones…
WATCH IT… then come back to read more.
1. Hulk loses his smile
In my review, I mention that Bruce Banner a.k.a. the Hulk is having… ahem… performance issues. He starts off strong, but it doesn’t last for very long (something we both seem to have in common!)
He Hulks out in the first 5 minutes…
Only to be ruthlessly SMACKDOWNED by Thanos! It’s a shocking display of Power over brute strength. The opening scene serves two masters, to show how much of a boss Thanos is, and to conveniently send Hulk away so he can warn the others.
While on Earth, Banner tries to turn into the Hulk again. Only this time, he can’t, the implication being that the Hulk fears Thanos. He’s so scared, he won’t allow Banner to HULK SMASH anymore!!! This flies in the face of everything we’ve seen before!!!
I mean look at this guy! Are these the actions of a man that fears anything? I get it… they’re trying to show how much of a badass Thanos is, but did you have to make Hulk look so weak???
Adding further insult to injury, what makes this even DUMBER, is when you realise this shot from the trailer…
NEVER ACTUALLY HAPPENS!!! It’s nowhere to be seen in the final edit!!!
Is there an earlier cut where the Hulk recovers from his bout of green balls or did Marvel really spend all that cash inserting Hulk into a scene, just to plug the film??? That would make me angry.
“You wouldn’t like me when I’m angry.” — Hulk
Let’s hope Hulk gets his mojo back soon so we can see a Hulk v Thanos rematch in Avengers 4.
2. Thor has an axe to grind
After witnessing Hulk get thrown around like a rag doll, and getting his own Ass-gard served to him by Thanos, Thor comes to the obvious conclusion that he just doesn’t have the right tool for the job!
Hold on a sec… wasn’t the whole point of Thor: Ragnarok to establish that he doesn’t need the hammer in the first place? The power was inside him all along!!! It’s his Kung Fu Panda moment…
Well, that was a waste of time! Speaking of… Thor, rabbit and tree em-bark on an inane side-quest to forge a new weapon that will hopefully put a dent in Thanos…
There’s just one problem. How does Thor know a new hammer is going to fix his Thanos problem??? I can’t understand Ye! By the time this weapon is forged, Thanos already has most, if not all, of the Infinity Stones!!!
Thanos could just turn the axe into bubbles! Something Drax and the Mad Titan seems to have a penchant for…
And don’t get me started on Peter Dinklage’s disrespectful inclusion as a giant space dwarf!!! Why were they so tight lipped about revealing his role again? Why not just say, “Hey, we hired ‘the Imp’ from Game of Thrones for a massive sight gag!!!”
I know why… because that would be in bad taste! Yes, indeed it would. Indeed… it… would.
3. Nick Fury designs logos now
If you stuck around for the post-credits scene you would’ve noticed Nick Fury driving around town with whatever her name is, I can’t recall. They’re interrupted by the END OF THE WORLD!!!
Fury steps out of the car, takes out a handheld device and dials a number before turning to ash. He doesn’t get to finish his trademark “Muthaf...” The camera zooms in and the logo for Captain Marvel appears on screen, eliciting a fist pump from nerds but confused looks from everyone else…
Is that a pager??? I don’t know, I’ve never seen one in the flesh! Maybe because no one uses them now! They’ve become obsolete like fax machines and Kanye West…
I’ma let you finish… but you expect me to believe that Fury, “had an idea” to design a spiffy logo for Marvel’s latest heroine, slap it on his pimped out pager, just so that he can Marvel at the pixelated graphics in a time of crisis??? ARE YOU F’N KIDDING ME???!!!
It reminds me of a DUMB moment, in a film full of them, Batman V Superman: Dawn of Justice, when Bruce Wayne discovers top secret files on metahumans, tucked away in Lex Luther’s computer…
The audience is meant to believe that Luther’s design team actually spent hours creating unique logos for each individual member, of the soon to be formed Justice League, just to adorn the folders in Luther’s desktop? Logos that were later used to market the film!!!
It didn’t get a pass then and it shouldn’t get a pass now!!!
Okay… it is possible that Captain Marvel created the logo herself and that’s HER pager we see on screen. That explains the outdated technology! The film’s set in the ‘90s so maybe this was all she had to give Fury if he ever needed to reach her. But taking the trouble to design a logo? That’s reaching!
Also, you mean to tell me that Fury had Captain Marvel on speed dial THIS WHOLE FRIGGIN TIME??? Surely, the Avengers could’ve used her help when this happened…
I never thought I’d see anything DUMBER than that…
Okay, you win.
Thanks for reading. For more DUMB Marvel humour…
