The Quiet Storm: Healing After Narcissistic Abuse
Narcissistic abuse isn’t loud. It’s quiet, so quiet. It’s not spoken; it’s felt deep within. It starts as a warm, loving feeling. Something so beautiful and grand, some describe it as euphoric even. Yes, it’s definitely euphoric and lovely. Unbelievable — that’s the word. So unbelievable, it can’t be real. Because it isn’t, and yet it is all at the same time.
You will look back one day and ask yourself, “Was it real, that euphoric feeling I had in the beginning? Did he ever love me? Did I make up all those beautiful times I thought we shared?” Your brain will be so twisted between what is and what was — a total mind fuck. And you’ll wake up one day and no longer recognize yourself.
Then the shame will creep in, and you’ll realize you have no friends left because you gave them all up to be with him.” You want to tell someone all the horrific things that he did, but if you are even able to find someone to talk to who knew you before… before the relationship, they won’t believe you. Because you carefully never told anyone what was really happening. Most of the time, you didn’t believe it yourself, and he told you it was your fault, so there must be some truth to that, right?
Oh, the questions upon questions, and the #1 question: “Why?” Why did he do those things? Why didn’t he love me? Why, after everything I did, gave, and sacrificed, did I get treated that way? Why didn’t he think I was enough?
Oh my God, over and over and over again, the same fucking thoughts. Just make it stop. I don’t want to think about him or the whys or the past. Just make it all stop.
And then the tears come, filled with fits of anger for the abuse you endured, because deep in your core, you KNOW without a doubt that you were abused. You know it, you lived it, you felt it. Yes, it was absolutely true. Clarity comes after the flow of raw emotions spills out. His truth is not your truth, nor is it “THE TRUTH”
A roller coaster of raw, primal emotions comes flowing out — the deep, aching sobs coming from your soul because this pain is so deep it’s felt in your very being. And you just need to get it out of you because you are sure if you don’t, you will die.
Music — that’s what you turn to during these times. Song lyrics that say everything you can’t. You pick a couple of songs and listen to them over and over again. Ten, twenty, twenty-five times in a row. Belting out the lyrics as if your life depends on it — because it does. You scream-sing (if that’s a term) as if you’re saying this to your narcissist ex. You need to tell this person what they did to you, and while you know you can’t because you’ve gone no contact, you still have the urge to tell them. (They wouldn’t give a shit if you did, so I don’t recommend it.)
This is the song. If I could scream-sing it to my narcissist ex, I totally would. Please give it a listen — it’s not the original, but I wanted to share the one with the lyrics because they are so powerful. Does this song resonate with anyone else?
Jessie Murph — How Could You (Lyrics)
On my healing journey, I found out that this type of behavior — listening to songs on repeat — is pretty common for survivors of narcissistic abuse. After months or years of living in chaos and inconsistency, our brains crave consistency. This feels good to us; it feels safe and reliable — the opposite of chaos. It’s a way of self-soothing and calming our nervous systems.
That’s why, after leaving a narcissistically abusive relationship, it’s extremely important to create a simple, manageable daily routine that will start to calm your nervous system and make you feel safe. Sign up below to get a PDF on simple routine ideas that will help calm your nervous system after narcissistic abuse.
Until next time, Healing Warriors — chin up, or your crown will slip.
~SoulfullyWild