A Secret Handshake is = to the Greatest Secret Sex
I have been telling this story for a long time. It started after my 2nd ex Wife said to me about her cheating that the person who she cheated with had a small penis; therefore, I had no reason to worry. What she did not understand was that withholding information, good, bad, happy, sad from your spouse or significant other ends your relationship immediately. The only way to save it is to confess and see if the other person accepts the secret. It does not matter if he had a big or little penis, it was lying at the time and then withholding the information after. Our relationship ended long before the marriage broke up.
This was the same time as the Clinton/Lewinsky: I did not have sex with that woman, miss Lewinsky. I think my ex was borrowing a page from the Cheatmaster’s playbook.
Let’s now look at why this is so. First, you need to have a care and love for your spouse. Then you must realize that it does not matter how small or large the withhold was. Any withhold creates the relationship to be dead if it is not told immediately to the spouse. It seems there are people like OJ and my Ex that think a little thing like slicing and dicing, or cheating and not telling as she never revealed any lies to me in the marriage. I found out over the next year after she left me. I believe that she did not have a conciousness that had any care for anyone’s feelings but her own. You might say: immature as it is, if there is not something deep inside that feels bad about it, you are unique and will never find happiness.
On the other hand, all you have to do is own up to what happened. Not to anyone but your spouse/significant other. But, if you liked doing it and she ultimately left me for a good friend (So I thought). I did not find out about that until a month or 2 after she left. When she left she acted like she was going to be alone and that I was keeping her from loving herself. Being in the Self Help game, she knew that would hurt me the most. For me, I could not say anything. I was amazed that she could just leave without having anyone else. In the final analysis, the whole thing was my fault. Most likely, I did not want to know. I was listening to words people said and trusting that what they did matched the words. For me, many times with many people, they all were doing things to destroy me behind my back. To my face, they all acted very appreciative that I was in their lives.
Nobody makes anyone do anything. I loved her when she was 19 and even proposed. She dumped me and a year later, went and married my best friend. He was not the friend that she left me for as that was the 2nd time we were together. 5 years after being married to my then best friend and I was now married and divorced from my 1st wife, she used him going to bring his grandparents to retire in Florida, being away for 1 week. At that time she told me how he had abused her and that she had always carried a torch for me. Again, I listened to her words. Now that I know everything, the game being 15 years behind me, I don’t listen to words very much and watch people much more. But not back then. So, this is why it was my fault.
If I had a “Do over,” I would say: you had your chance with me long ago. You chose to marry my best friend and now, you have to live with your decisions. You cannot simply use words when he is gone for 1 week and get me back.
I like the way I said that and even though it does not mean anything and I really don’t care who reads it, but just owning up to my own mistakes and not blaming a cheating Ex is a big part of my growth. I will now pat myself on the back for finally not listening, even to myself.
There was 1 very important reason that we were together and married for the 2nd time to my 2nd Ex wife: We have an 18 year old daughter and after all of the marriages before and after me, to this day, this is her only child. I am a lover of family and children. My new job involves younger children and it is a breath of fresh air to be with kids that see the World from their limited perspective.
I hope I explained the secret handshake being the same as the sex because it all comes to your mind when you are with your significant other (unless you are OJ or my Ex) and eventually, your relationship will end and the other person won’t know why. I say, it is ok to make a mistake, or even go after another, just tell your spouse and you will enlarge your World and life and in turn: enhance this Planet.