Ahh, so much fun to hear about these twistednesses. I have so many from family and friends. A few, mixed in with malapropisms and mixed metaphors:
That’s easy pie.
Anarchy is better than no form of government at all.
I’m so tired I could eat a horse.
It’s a “knife eat knife” world out there.
While sending me to the market to buy certain groceries, my dad would say, “If they don’t have any, don’t buy any.” I assured him that I wouldn’t.
Who wants oakmeal for breakfast?
You were snorkling all night!
Eek, for having a BM.
Tinkling, for peeing.
Swankered, for drunk.
A little pain never hurt anyone.
And my favorite, from my former wife, “You don’t know me from a stick in the mud!”