Google Translate, Sex, and Drunk in the Pouring Rain
How Google Translate stopped me from becoming a father
After I had been studying Spanish for 8 months I thought it would be a great idea to visit Spain for immersion.
When I got to Spain, however, I realised I didn’t know Spanish at all. All of a sudden people were talking about politics and religion and following conversations was difficult.
I remember feeling happy because my girlfriend at the time came to visit. It was an opportunity to take a break from Spanish.
The night that she came, we bought 2 bottles of wine and went to a hotel to celebrate. I’m a really light drinker and it doesn’t take much for me to lose control.
You probably want the details, right? I promise, the sex isn’t the best part of the story. I’m sure you’ll understand if I skip to the part where my drunk girlfriend is in the room crying and shouting.
“I’m not ready to be a mother!!!”
I jumped out of the bed and put on my clothes.
“Everything will be….” I couldn’t finish my sentence because I toppled over as I tried to put on my trousers.
“you’re not going anywhere, David. It’s raining and you can barely stand”
“I don’t care what you say, I’m leaving this room, and I’m going to buy the morning after pill.”
¿hay una farmacia cerca? I asked the lady at the reception.
“hay una, pero esta bastante lejos”
“So…there’s is a pharmacy, but it’s far. Ok, I can do this.” I said to myself.
She drew the route on a map and wished me luck.
I was walking through a storm drunk, trying my best to not topple over.
After walking for 10 minutes, I felt lost so I took out the map to see where I was.
The rain shot down on the map like bullets and instantly tore it to shreds. Great.
The next 20 minutes were awful. Falling over in the rain while drunk is horrible.
I walked up to the counter and the lady said:
She was asking me to tell her what I needed, but I had no idea how to say “the morning after pill”.
I asked her if she spoke English.
There was an awkward silence which lasted a while, I’d go as far as to say it was eerie.
She stared as I racked my brain for the word “pill” which I had seen in the picture dictionary I had back in London. I remembered the word in Spanish started with “p”
I did my best to explain what I wanted.
She seemed more confused. I was desperate so I started to act.
“Quiero un pastel mañana” I said, while rubbing my stomach, trying to communicate I wanted a pill to stop a woman from getting pregnant.
She started to laugh. I thought hard about what I must have been doing wrong.
Then I felt my phone in my back pocket and shouted:
I yanked my phone out of my pocket and typed into the translator “I want the morning after pill” then showed her the phone.
What went wrong? Well, my grammar was bad, but more importantly, I had been using the wrong word.
The word for pill in Spanish is “pastilla”, and the word “pastel” which I was using means “cake”
I thought I was rubbing my stomach telling her I wanted the morning after pill, but I was really saying:
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