I agree with all of the reasons why rom-coms are bad: unrealistic expectations of relationships, communication, and happily ever after. Being swept off your feet in a first glance and many other reasons come into play as well. However, there are some that I’ve really enjoyed as well, because they again turn the typical subject on its head. Mine come from the male twist, like Hitch, where a fumbling relationship seeking man is head over heels for a woman, but can’t get her attention without guidance. I connect specifically with that character because if truth be told, he is who I feel like I am when trying to meet the woman. When Hitch asks Allegra Cole: “Would you have noticed him otherwise?”, she replies: “Yes.” He presses, “Really?” she replies “Eventually…maybe…” The actual truth we see on her face is that the real answer is: “No.” How many times have we men been in that situation. The real hope with this movie is that maybe women will realize that they aren’t allowing men the opportunity to express interest without creating a scene in order to be noticed, especially when it is completely out of character for us to do so.
Sleepless in Seattle really broke some ground by showing us that men really can be hurt, be lonely, and while not showing it on the outside, we can really be that sensitive person women want. The man was, unfortunately, portrayed as a bit of a lost puppy dog that needed to be rescued, but despite that, the experience and the way men feel about loneliness really resonated with me, and I think, hopefully, helped women understand that we do feel it.
50 First Dates, in my mind, was a wonderful way for women to see that a man really can love unconditionally. Here is this man who is swept off his feet by a woman, but she makes herself unavailable because she feels broken since she forgets everything that happened the day before when ahe wakes up. Every day, she has to be reminded of who he is, and he has to, essentially, win her back every single morning. He’s a good man, like many of us are, and her family recognizes that, and supports him in his daily need to do so, with reminders like a video to help her know who he is. The societal impression that a relationship is just too much work for people (the point that happily ever after means we get up every day for the rest of our lives in this blissful ecstasy that is love) is turned on its head in that he is willing to do the work for the woman he loves. On the one hand, he does know what she needs on a daily basis without her having to communicate it, but on the other hand it demonstrates his willingness to do all he can to meet her needs, even if sometimes he doesn’t know what they are.
So in these ways, I believe rom-coms do have the ability to provide us with deeper insights into the human conditions of attraction, romance, and love, but in the cases of movies like these, sometimes we have to see the underlying messages to do so, essentially working at understanding hidden meanings to work at understanding relationships.
