SALAD AND TEARS
(Being an adult is harder than it looks)
One may inquire as to the odd title of both my blog, and the name of this piece. Well, look no further confounded individual! The answer is quite simple: I like to drink, and I also really love salad. So, by simple means of 1+1=2, I end up drunk on occasion and eating salad, and usually commiserating with one of my friends, which is where the tears come in.
It’s not that I’m an overly emotional person prone to bursting into fits of hysteria (at least I don’t think I am, though my friends may argue otherwise), it’s just that I sometimes find it difficult to express my feelings to people around me, which thus results in me needing to have a good ol’ fashion cry fest every now and then. And to clear my tear ducts of cobwebs. That’s where this website, and my subsequent joining of it, comes in. In an attempt to further understand myself, and reclaim my life, I’ve decided to stop putting all my emotions into a dusty box at the back of a very deep and very dark closet, and actually deal with them. It’s also a means to connect. I’ve found in my years on this planet, that as unique as everyone’s struggle may be, a lot of the time there are many others in the same boat as you, who are all struggling with the same issues and feelings. So if it were possible to connect all these similar people, or even just a few of them, well, two heads are better than one.
So here I am, as honest and as real as I can be: My name is David McCarroll, I’m gay, and I live in San Francisco. I’ve had some really good times, and really bad times here, and over all I’m not completely in love with this city. I’ve dealt on and off with depression, some times severe, other times mild. I’ve dealt with addiction, both narcotics and booze, and still do a bit to this day with the booze. I’m not one of those wonder kids who came here with an idea and made millions from it, or was so good at coding that people have just showered me with money, and as a consequence, there have been times that I’ve been judged, and considered not worthy of other peoples time. It almost made me believe for a period that I indeed wasn’t worthy of someones attention, time, or even more importantly, love. But I’ve decided recently that all these things are COMPLETE bullshit. The fact that I’m not contributing to the heap of useless apps and startups that seems to be pilling up around these parts, in no way diminishes my worth. The fact that I don’t put on a three piece suit every day to tromp my ass down to the financial district to work at a fancy law firm makes me no less of a deserving person. I’m smart, clever, honest, and not a half bad looking bloke. I love books, watching anime in my underware, talking to my mom on the phone, and all things food oriented.
So here I am in all my slightly dysfunctional glory!! If you, dear reader, should stumble upon this and find it amusing, or hear something that resonates with you, by all means reach out, or just stay tuned. I can’t promise everything I write will be gold, in fact most of it will be total garbage, but as I said, this is an experiment in connectivity; both with myself and with others. How it will go? Only time will tell.