When I was little, I was a smartass. Well, I guess that’s still the case. But in my childhood, I had the worst time socializing. Maybe I was just too sensitive. Maybe I wanted to be special. But I know that I carried a longing to be loved and accepted ever since.
And who hasn’t? It is hard to find someone who doesn’t believe in love. And there is usually a search for approval sponsoring our decisions. I believe that behind every action we take, there is an underlying desire for love.
But who are we trying to love? Ourselves? Or are we trying to be loved by anyone who will witness our decisions?
I decided to take a serious look at what the feeling of “rejection” looks like. And what I learned is that without eliminating the concept of rejection from our minds, it is hard to feel happy and free.
Rejection is indeed part of the human experience. But don’t we have the freedom to reinvent ourselves? Can’t we change the way we feel, react and experience things? How much of our experience is “automatic”, and how much of it can we change?
The heart holds more power than we believe. The more attentive we become to what the heart is telling us, the saner we become.
When I checked in with myself to see where this longing for approval and this fear of rejection came from, I realized that it all came from the belief that I am reject-able.
I developed strategies to find opportunities to reinforce the impression that I am undeserving of love. Which renders the question: how many strategies have you set for your own demise?
Rejection and Choice
Now think about all the choices you make. When you go to Starbucks, for example: are you getting the drink you like, or are you getting what’s on the board? What is driving your decision? How authentic are you on what you choose to purchase for yourself?
The fear of rejection is hiding in the little things. Everything we do can either reinforce that fear, or simply “cancel it out” and make room for a loving experience instead.
A loving experience occurs anytime you enter the scene. Not “you” as a character, a self-concept, or a personality. Just you as… yourself.
When we try to be anything different than ourselves, we are also giving in to the fear of being rejected. It takes a practice in self-awareness to learn in which moments you are resisting your true nature.
You are always making a choice in your own mind. Everything in life is simply a choice. There is one realistic thing to choose for called “love”, and the alternative is simply fear.
Experiencing rejection is a choice for fear. And we can always choose for the alternative.
As RuPaul has said in his book, whatever you put on after you get out of the shower is your drag. But just because we are technically always in character, that doesn’t mean everything has to be an act.
Life is much more than theater and games. Life simply is.
There is beauty to be experienced when you cultivate a loving awareness. The more you make a choice for love, the less you will experience fear. And the experience of rejection is simply another manifestation of your own fears.
The fear of being alone also plays a role in the experience of rejection. But sometimes, solitude is the key to awakening.
It takes a lot of loneliness to learn that one is always accompanied.