What if the Pompidou Centre was a human?
An architectural study of Cristiano Ronaldo
A version of this story first appeared in Howler Magazine during Euro 2016. It was then lost to the Internet. I’ve put it back online in light of Cristiano Ronaldo’s transfer from Real Madrid to Juventus.
Portugal first arrived in Paris by way of the Eiffel Tower. While Fernando Santos’ men were still celebrating their qualification for the Euro final in Lyon, Gustave Eiffel’s masterpiece was bathed in their red and green. First Portugal took the Champ de Mars; Sunday they take the Stade de France.
The Eiffel Tower is a monument any country would glad to have. To wit, many have tried to rip it off. The United Kingdom, for instance, had demolished two facsimiles by the beginning of the 1920s. The USA currently has four, including one in Paris, Texas, that has been photographed with a giant cowboy hat perched on its peak.
Tall and strong though it is, the Eiffel Tower is a poor embodiment of Portugal’s Cristiano Ronaldo. That is not to say that the star forward isn’t tall and strong. Or that he doesn’t have a thing for monuments. This is the man, after all, who set out to erect a statue of his own likeness in his hometown. (And erect it he did!) But throughout Euro 2016, the Eiffel Tower has been decorated in the colours of many…
