Hindsight, Aug. 29, 2018

David Swartzlander
Sep 2, 2018 · 6 min read

The weekly critique of The Doane Owl and Doaneline

After last week, this second paper of the year was a big letdown. The content was lacking, news judgment was questionable, the designs were poor, the headlines were too short and the photos were less than compelling. Here’s hoping the third issue represents an improvement.

Praises:

Glad we told of the Quads renovation for next year. It’s long overdue. Thanks, Allison.

Allison, again, does a good job of telling us about the Tau Sigma Zeta suspension.

Glad we corrected the Pizza Hut ad. Is the stopnshop ad the correct size?

I’m happy Grayson McCartney told us about the new assistant campus engagement and Greek life director.

BTW, nice profile shot from Caitlyn Nelso of Philip Foster.

The editorial again was hard hitting and provocative. Keep ’em, coming.

I like that we encouraged readers to write letters to respond to opinions and content in the paper.

The graduate assistants story on sports was one of the better pieces in the paper. Did we consider moving it up to P. 1 status? Nice work, Clayton.

Photo of the Week: Phillip Foster portrait — Caitlyn Nelson

Lede of the Week: After over half a century of the same look, the long-standing Burrage and Colonial halls are planned for renovations over the next year — Allison Priddy

Headline of the Week: Men’s soccer team still searching for first win.

Graphic of the Week: Doane fall sports by the numbers — Nishesh Yadav

Problems:

Let’s start with the flag. If we’re going to run a banner photo, four or five inches deep in the flag, the photo must not only be compelling, but it must also be in focus. This photo is not in focus. It also seems stretched out as do other photos in the paper. Folks, if you commit to that type of flag, you must produce a compelling photo each week. You did last week; you didn’t this week.

Here’s the problem with the trafficking story: it contains little substance. We even say so in the story: “… all of the incidents … ended being nothing threatening …” And yet this is our top news story? Yikes.

Why are the indents on the lede story — and other stories throughout the paper, BTW — indented so much while others are not? Can we please be consistent?

The lede on the trafficking story is compelling — and Trey Perry does a good job with it except … the anecdotal lede goes on too long. We need a nut graf within the first six grafs of the story. The nut graf doesn’t come until the eighth graf.

Never, I repeat, never use a photo illustration with a hard news story. Save them for features. The photo illustration especially fails to work when the story contains little substance.

What’s with the P. 1 advertisement of Josh Davis? I realize this is a student who is trying to be a stand-up comic, but that’s no reason to earmark nearly 25 percent of your P. 1 real estate — the most important real estate in the paper, BTW — on what amounts to an ad for him. Waste of space.

Omit needless words

The Quads is your lede story. At least something is happening in that piece. It contains substance rather than supposition.

Avoid using a quote in an email that can easily be parphrased and make more sense.

What’s with the bigass Tau Sigma Zeta sign? That screams filler. As if we’re saying to the reader, “We’re running this super large because we don’t want to plan or think about how to better illustrate this story.”

BTW, the Tau Sigma Zeta story belonged on P. 1, not the Josh Davis ad.

Cutlines should run from the left border of the photo to the right border — unless the cutline fails to contain enough content to make it to the right border. Why do we fail to run them border to border?

While I like that we did the Tau Sigma Zeta story, I’m still confused as to what exactly the fraternity failed to do. We keep writing about a failure to meet “administrative deadlines.” What exactly does that mean? What did it fail to do?

How does the photo of three guys playing a video game illustrate the dilapidated Quads? I don’t get it. Also, which student is which? Since we don’t tell readers who is who, the reader has to guess the name of each guy in the photo.

Not sure why we use a different size text for our correction. What’s wrong with the standard body text?

Fair warning: rant ahead. Why did Doane hire another person to co-advise Greek Council and SPB? Can’t the people who were in charge of those programs do the job? Must they need help? Why? Shouldn’t we answer that in the story — especially when the school is having financial difficulties? Why can’t the people who had been hired actually do their jobs? Nothing against Phillip Foster. He may be fantastic but … In other words, maybe we need a story that shows, in terms of personnel and cost, how much the Student Affairs office has grown under the current dean. And whether it should have grown that much. Maybe compare and contrast with other offices?

In addition to writing cutlines too short, we also write headlines too short. Why?

Watch spacing when boxing stories or at the top of the page. Often, the headline comes way too close to the folio.

When we say someone is excited about something, we should show our readers how we know they are excited about the program. And why.

Avoid leading with the time element.

We say that the Chinese connnection is profitable, but we never say how profitable it is. When possible, follow the money.

Avoid placing an art element, such as a photo, below a column of text, especially at the bottom of the page.

We say in the Josh Davis story that it takes more than jokes to make it as a stand-up comic. OK, what else does it take? We tell readers, but too low in the story. Also, the second graf should be lower in the piece.

“New food options” is not a headline. A headline requires a noun and a verb. Where’s the verb? What about “new food options?” In other words, what’s new?

Put the news first in stories, the background later.

I’m unsure how the illustration on P. 4 says mentorship.

Why is the gutter between P. 4 and P. 5 so huge? So is the outside gutter on P. 5.

Two guys sitting at a desk fails to serve as a compelling photo. In fact, it’s pretty boring.

All stories and story packages should be shaped as rectangles. The theatre season piece is not.

If we’re going to make Weekly Horoscopes a feature, may I suggest we BF the astrological signs?

Each page should be at least 1/3rd art, including the editorial and op-ed pages.

Decks should be limited to one or two columns, not be used as banners.

I like how we used Grayson’s photo and pull quote as one package, but I would move the photo and cutline to the outside of the page — the last column of text.

Why include info in a column, then assemble an info box that contains the same info? Why duplicate?

Style:

What’s AP Style for human sources? It’s not “according to”

Titles after the name are lowercase.

Grammar:

Singular nouns take singular pronouns.

If is a conditional word — I’ll quit smoking if you help me. Whether should be used for non-conditional situations: “Though we worried whether living in the Quads …”

Doaneline:

I didn’t see any exclusive content on Doaneline so there’s little to critique.

David Swartzlander

Written by

Associate Professor of Practice in Journalism, Doane University, Crete, Ne.; media adviser for 19 years; 23 years toiled in daily newsrooms

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