“All Joy reminds” pt. 1

Beginning to read the works of C.S. Lewis after graduation helped to clear the cataract of what I imagined medicine to be. It was particularly these words I read the night before the weight loss session I co-led with my cancer-prevention research supervisor:

“All joy reminds. It is never a possession, always a desire for something longer ago or further away or still ‘about to be’. But Nature and books now became equal reminders, joint reminds, of- well, of whatever it is”.

This 9th session marked the first meeting after the most glutinous of holidays- Thanksgiving. And the atmosphere of the room felt completely different. The cold edge of my plastic seat inches away from slipping under the weight of my heavy-laden shoulders as I drew closer to each of the insecure remarks from participants regarding their recent failures. But out of the back corner of the room, I could have sworn I heard the beaming voice of C.S. Lewis.

One of our heaviest participants began to testify that his prior “obsession over a number on the scale” kept him in a cycle of setting ambitious weight loss goals and the resulting bitter taste of defeat. And continued with conviction: “when I notice myself strategizing to eat the lower-calorie meals following the days I exceeded my calorie limit, and also rewarding myself with my favorite 2-hour walk around Balboa Park for talking myself out of those nightly cravings I am assured that I am beginning to live a healthy life”.

Certainly, this participant could have been content with losing 10% of his weight within 10 weeks. And while that number in itself was attainable and appealing, it was in the process of losing weight that he found himself in a more fulfilling trajectory- one towards a healthy life. And it is this “desire for something still about to be” that Lewis truthfully describes as joy.

[to be continued]