I’ve lived most my life as a goody little two shoes middle class honors student sheep. At first, I was excited about college (mostly because my scholarships paid off all of it). Finally, a place that isn’t useless like high school, a place where I can learn something useful and get a job……………………………………………………………..KILL ME NOW HOLY FUCK WHY IS LIFE LIKE THIS!?!? WHAT AM I DOING? I’M JUST SITTING FOR HOURS ON END LISTENING TO SOME OLD SHITS TALK ABOUT CALCULUS ALL OVER AGAIN.
I am now fully depressed and engulfed in an existential crisis.
Like everyone else, I suffered through 12 painful years of shitty public school education and Capitalism says that’s not enough for even a minimum wage job (YES, MINIMUM WAGE JOBS WHERE I LIVE FUCKING REQUIRE A COLLEGE DEGREE, YES SHIT LIKE WORKING AS A CASHIER REQUIRES A MOTHERFUCKING COLLEGE DEGREE.)
I’m breaking down in cold sweat and shivering every moment of my life as I come to the same painful realization that everyone goes through. I know EXACTLY what’s coming to me next. After 4 years of college, I will either have to go spend 2 more years for a Master’s in Electrical Engineering or proceed to the job market…most likely an office job because there is nothing else.
And then Groundhog day begins.
I am, like everyone else, condemned to 60 years of meaningless, unrewarding work that will further break down what little humanity I have left regardless of pay.
And then after 60 years, I will spend whatever is left regretting the past 60 years.
I will live like my father.
I will live like my poor father, working so hard, so so hard to the point of refusing to retire, working so hard at the age of 71 with a dysfunctional knee and a brain permanently damaged by a greedy doctor’s malpractice.
And the worst part…
The absolutely most horrifying part of this nightmare….
The single most destructive component of this capitalist bombshell….
Is that I am just one of many.
I am insignificant, generic, and worthless.
Replaceable in every way, shape, and form.
Just another wall of text to be skimmed over by many
My suffering is just another penny in the office boss’s swollen pocket.
I am seriously considering suicide… there’s really no difference between dead or alive in this society.
Except the former generates no profit.