Are you tired of the same old seder? I mean, it really hasn’t changed much over the past 5 thousand years or so. That’s my definition of 'stale’, and I don’t just mean the matzohs. Anyway, I think it’s time to shake things up; you know, to keep the kiddies interested.
First of all, let's not limit things to only 4 Questions. I bet a few new ones have cropped up since Moses was around. Such as, "Now, what the hell are going to have for breakfast for the next 8 days with no bread, cereal, pancakes, waffles and the like?" Also, after we answer the questions (as many as there are), we should allot some time for comments. Like at the bottom of blog posts. I'm sure there will be a lot of colorful ones, particularly if the guests partake of the customary '4 Cups Of Wine' even before the seder begins when we partake of the OFFICIAL ‘4 Cups Of Wine'.
Second, we should expand the limits of hiding the middle matzoh (or Afikomen) from the 4 walls of our house to the actual boundaries of the particular state in which we reside. Extra points if it involves crossing freeways by foot. Not that we will bother to look for the thing; I just want to see if the child hiding it returns before the 8 days of Passover are...um...over.
Third, instead of merely discussing the 10 Plagues with only passing whimsy, we should have actual plagues at the Seder table and expose our guests to them.
"Sorry about those boils, Uncle Steve."
"Here, let me remove that frog from your matzoh-ball soup, Aunt Sadie."
"I know that Carl was your first-born, Elaine, but plagues are plagues — Thoughts and prayers."
Fourth, instead of "inviting" the prophet, Elijah, into your home (an archaic practice; he can't possibly enter everyone's house simultaneously--even with different time zones), how about inviting that creepy hobo that lives in a cardboard box behind Walgreen's? He looks like he could use a meal--even one with matzoh in it. And besides, he also looks like a plague.
Fifth, while singing, "Next Year in Jerusalem", find a small town in middle America with that same name and make concrete plans to descend upon the unsuspecting inhabitants who still believe Jews have horns. And BECOME a plague!