My claim to fame is being a few days (or years) late to the party. So it should come as no surprise to learn that I only became aware of the whole Fyre Festival debacle this morning--in spite of reading countless tweets that mentioned it.
Parenthetically, my willingness to read things I don't understand without the slightest inclination to look up important information I don't know makes me wonder how I managed to survive 2 refinancings of my home mortgage and not wind up in debtors' prison.
Anyway, it seems to be the case that some rapper (Ja Rule--'Ja' being short for 'Jack' or 'Janet') and some wiz-kid 25-year-old (I don't remember his name) decide to "organize" (you know, like how Obama "wiretapped" Trump) a ridiculously upscale and overpriced music festival in the Bahamas and only advertise it on Instagram. Unfortunately, to paraphrase our beloved President, "who knew that organizing an international music festival would be so difficult?" To make a long story short, the thing was a total car wreck. But with supermodels.
Looking back, it was easy to point to 2 signs that this manufactured event was destined to flop:
1. The spelling of the word, 'fyre'. Really people. I don't care how text speak, urban dictionary entries and emojis have replaced the King's English, but once you start f*cking around with the rules of spelling, you're inviting bad things to happen.
2. Asking Kendall Jenner to promote your event. Haven't we learned ANYTHING from watching those awful Kardashians or that godforsaken Pepsi ad? This family antagonizes the wrath of the spirits and brings pain and suffering to those who worship them.
Now I'm not the first the offer the idea that seeing a boatload of rich, insufferable selfie-lovers get the royal shaft isn't at least a little bit satisfying. But even these people could have saved themselves a little bit of heartache had they just paid attention to the karmic warning signs mentioned above.
Oh by the way, the 25-year-old wiz kid, who promises full refunds to all the party faithful, has stated that his next event will be another music festival. This one, however, will be held in the good ol' U S of A. And it will be FREE. Hmmmm. A free, large scale, music festival. What could possibly go wrong?
Now to start an Instagram account and find out where to sign up.