Jackie-This. This article is stunning and eye-opening. I have a son who left for college a week ago. I hear the "thunderous silence" in the upstairs that was all his-- a silence that used to be filled with screams at video games and "concerts" of Kanye West. I am heartbroken and lost. However, you have a grief that is unfathomable to me. I don't think I could bear it. I am soooo sorry for your loss, and my wish is for continued healing and growth. I have been on Medium three years and have only linked to articles to a response. I am going to link one here because I think it will resonate with you. https://medium.com/the-partnered-pen/how-do-you-bear-the-agony-of-losing-a-child-d3da3727d4ff