You need to know if you want to be truly happy in a relationship

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For years (and I mean many, many years), I focused on being what I thought the world wanted me to be: skinny, pretty, charming, and “pleasing.” And this was especially true in relationships.

If a potential lover liked football, I researched like an academic working towards his Ph.D. I could tell you all about downs and yardage, false starts and other penalties. And names? I made sure to know them. At least the ones on my current partner’s favorite team.

If I was dating a music lover, I attended concerts with him where I pretended to enthusiastically shout lyrics to the songs he loved, even though I secretly despised them. …


Accepting and analyzing your struggles may be the quickest way to reach your goals

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Think about the words we use to describe continued achievement. Upward movement. Increased momentum. Forward progress. What these phrases have in common is that they can all be applied to science — and success.

Consider Newton’s first law of motion. It states that “an object at rest stays at rest and an object in motion stays in motion with the same speed and in the same direction unless acted upon by an unbalanced force.”

I’ve never been a science gal (teaching literature has been my life’s work), but the lesson I interpret from this law is that doing the things you normally do, such as mindlessly performing daily routines and using the same “trusty” toolbox of strategies over and over again, makes you an “object at rest.” …


Mannequins work for the fashion industry, not for the writing one

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In my everyday life, I speak my mind. I have a voice, and I’m not afraid to use it. But somehow, when I write, my confidence falters. I think of what publishers want me to say, of the things I need to include to make the “big guns” want me, and thus far, I’ve been fairly successful at following their formulas.

But I’ve always hated math. Formulas don’t work for me. Politics don’t work for me. Technology — don’t even get me started.

What moves me? Big ideas do. Feelings do. Philosophy and psychology do. Books do. …


I’m only twelve percent into James Clear’s Atomic Habits, and it’s changing my whole perspective on personal growth.

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I just bought my eighteen-year-old son a three thousand dollar computer with money made from my meager teacher’s salary. And no, he didn’t chip in with money from his side job. Because he doesn’t have one. I won’t let him work. And it has nothing to do with college success or good grades. It has to do with one percent.

His dream is to be a professional gamer. To be in a profession in which only the top one percent are successful.

And this is why I purchased the king of computers. …


A tale of a teacher, learner, and wild child

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I was voted “Most Likely to Be Famous” in my senior year of high school. Perhaps it was my penchant for the theater. Maybe it was the kohl eyeliner that rimmed my eyes and the scarlet lipstick that adorned my adolescent lips. Maybe it was just that, even then, teens realized most stars are crazy and eccentric. And I was a mixture of both.

And speaking of mixtures, you won’t find a stranger human cocktail than me. I’ve always loved opposites. I was the poet that wore fishnets and ripped jeans. The wild child who smoked cigarettes in the bathroom but was asked to teach Shakespeare to the class when the teacher was absent. …


Until Mr. or Mrs. Right shows you their flaws, you shouldn’t fully commit to a relationship.

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Take your favorite romance novel. Then burn it. Don’t look at it again. Because real love is the exact opposite of your book that now smolders in the corner.

Don’t get me wrong. Real love does involve roses and candlelit dinners, but these things show up once every ten chapters rather than every single page. Real love does involve desire, but it’s something that ebbs and flows, advances and recedes, like the waters of the ocean. Real love does involve sacrifice, but there’s also a bit of selfishness and pouting in between those gallant gestures.

I’ve been married for over two decades, so when I speak to those of you who are still searching for true love, I come from a place of experience. …


Words on self-improvement can wait till tomorrow, but maybe these words can’t

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Today, I just can’t be that writer. Most days, I try to share my knowledge about things that have worked for me in writing, love, and life in general, but today I’m feeling real, much too flawed to give you ways to rock your world.

It’s raining here in North Carolina, and the sky is an ashen grey, which doesn’t help when you have depressive tendencies and when your monsters have not been fed enough to keep them in hiding.

But I can do something for you today. …


Most of what you want can be accomplished, but not without a proper plan

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I’ve never quite understood those people who say they don’t believe in goal-setting. I envy them a bit for having such a relaxed attitude towards life, but I don’t want to be them. I want my best life, and that involves making sure I’m doing the things I need to do to have it.

An article in Entrepreneur states that “not having goals is an excellent recipe for average living.” And I have no desire to be average. I need more for myself, and goal setting is one of the main ways I satisfy this urge.

So, if you crave more from your life than your present circumstances, you need to embrace the benefits of goal-setting as well. Here’s how to accomplish this to achieve maximum results. …


Yes, I want your money, but I want my integrity more

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Okay, let’s get the elephant out of the room. Those of you making money — lots more than I am — by writing about money making on Medium are making me jealous with a capital “J.”

I understand your success. Reading your articles is like some dirty addiction I can’t stop myself from feeding. And I can’t tell you how many times I have thought about taking a trip down this money making avenue.

Yet I resist. Almost always. Until my envy gets the better of me. So today, let’s consider this a therapeutic article. I’m dealing with my monsters. …


There’s something magical (and miserable) about feeling lost in time

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Recently, I have been bingeing the show Outlander. The series is an adaptation of the best selling books by Diana Gabaldon. It’s about a British nurse named Claire Randall who visits Scotland soon after the end of World War II and is magically transported back to the eighteenth century. In this new time, she finds love and adventure in the Highlands but is never quite at peace with her surroundings. The threads of her old life still attach her to the modern world from which she was uprooted.

I find myself so engaged in the series because I connect deeply with Claire’s feelings of alienation. Many times, I look around at the world and feel out of place amongst others, as if my thoughts and my heart were forged in a different time. …

About

Dawn Bevier

My name is Dawn Bevier, and I am a teacher, thinker, learner, and writer. I love literature and all things “wild, airy, and beautiful.” @dawnbevier

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