The Dianas grew in number, emboldened by Teen Vogue thinkpieces. Since Last Man Standing had recently been cancelled, there was no one left to challenge their total cultural takeover, and now all cishet men have been jailed in the abandoned Curves Gyms and Carl’s Jr’s across the globe. Again, we at the Alamo Drafthouse regret this turn of events and the role we played in hastening the end of civilization. We were short sighted and didn’t realize that celebrating women for one night would have such dire consequences. Our bad.