It’s okay to be sad!

Isn’t it lonely for you? Don’t you think it’s depressing to come home to an empty house and eat alone? — Somebody asked me as if they don’t know the obvious answer or maybe they wanted to make sure I’m feeling how I’m supposed to feel!

I didn’t say anything. I don’t know what was more hurtful, being lonely or the remark which made me look wretch and helpless!

I picked up my phone and confided in a friend, told my sobbing story — How lonely I feel, how much I miss sitting with someone lazily on the couch or dressing up to go out with someone special. How much I want to have someone to share my true feelings — my joys, sorrows, and happiness with! How much I want to love and need to be loved.

Aww, you “poor” girl… My friend comforted me. And somehow my confession gave my friend a license to give me advice I never asked for — next conversation, next after and in many more afterwards, I was given instructions on how should I live my life and how wrong my life choices were that I ended up like this — “Bring your expectations level down and compromise; probability to find a good guy diminishes exponentially after a girl turns 30 so try to show guys you are easy going and don’t talk too much intellectual — JUST marry the next guy your parents find for you!”

I shared my feelings with a friend because I was lonely. I wanted to vent and wanted somebody to listen to me. I wanted someone to be by my side and remind me that life has a lot to offer not that life is cruel and there is worse to come.

But I was told that my friend is a well-wisher and understands that life is not easy and especially when you are 30+ and a single girl, how depressing it could be — An independent, smart girl I used to think I’m, became the pity receiver in no time!

So, the next time when somebody asked me, “Don’t you feel lonely being single and living by yourself?” I smiled and squealed pretentiously— “oh, I love it!”

I don’t know when I became this complicated! In order to not being that “poor” girl again, to save myself from pity and uncalled for advice, I don’t know when I decided to pretend to be an ultimate happy person.

Every Monday, before anyone could ask, I ask people how their weekend was and tell them what a fun weekend I had! I’ve created a pretense world around me where I have the most fun life, a friend circle inspired by sitcoms like FRIENDS and HIMYM, and where no one can be happier than me!

I miss the days when I used to feel real, outside and inside too. Now, it doesn’t really matter what I’m feeling inside, because I need to show I’m always happy.

Why it is so difficult for people to understand that you can be sad for one thing but can still be happy. If you are sad on one day doesn’t mean you can never be happy.

And even if you are sad, it’s okay to be sad, but it’s not okay for people to pity you!

~~ Poornima

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