Power of Puft — Stay Puft’s Legendary Love Handles

Examining the archetype of a villain that you want to eat.

The rapper Rick Ross put his heft in simple terms: Fat boy in a big body. The Stay Puft Marshmallow Man exudes similar confidence, perhaps undergoing a transition into physical fitness later in his career. Ross labeled his workout regimen as “Rossfit”, maybe Stay Puft’s routine is P90PUFT. It’s worth noting, because a Stay Puft figurine sits on my bedroom shelf looking like Michelle Kwan or Kristi Yamaguchi.

Stay Puft had apparently cut the carbs. The width of his shoulders far exceeds the circumference of his waist, marshmallow muscles that would make Popeye The Sailor Man give up spinach. While there’s no noticeable six pack, Stay Puft’s stomach is a block of flat, firm cotton- designed to mimic marshmallow skin.

Ghostbusters Deviations written by Kelly Thompson and illustrated by Nelson Daniel, brings back Stay Puft’s visceral fat. Courtesy of IDW Comics, Deviations was released in March 2016, with Ray Stantz, Egon Spengler, Peter Venkman, and Winston Zeddemore back again- except what if they failed to save the day? What if Stay Puft ended the 1984 film on top?

Suppose the beams never crossed? In the comic, Manhattan endures an apocalypse, a snowstorm in the vein of Batman Dark Knight Rises. Except it’s not a blizzard, but slobs of marshmallow droppings depressing New York City. Citizens still shuttle to work, in thick jackets to protect from elements- Wall Street still dawns their suits, while secretaries push paperwork carts.

But New York City is struggling.

Tourism is down, unemployment rates soar to record highs, while our failed Ghostbuster quad- Stantz, Spengler, Venkman, and Zeddemore sit at a table passing time. Clearly drawn as Dan Aykroyd, Harold Ramis, Bill Murray, and Ernie Hudson, they ponder their next course of action.

Bill Murray is downing cookie crumbs from a box, Ernie Hudson simply sits in confusion, while Dan Aykroyd and Harold Ramis are reading books. Hudson’s Zeddemore suddenly blows up, exploding at the crew arguing that books won’t defeat Stay Puft. Apparently, they’ve been sitting at the table for a month now- with little to show for.

Suddenly, the Puft shows up.

The Ghostbusters are on the same rooftop, as in 1984, except they’ve retreated into the building. Through an exposed roof, Stay Puft pokes his head inside while our Ghostbusters look up horror! All four guys grab their beams, and blast away on Stay Puft.

The marshmallow mass endures, before summoning phlegm from it’s gut and spitting it on the four men. It’s an enormous loogie, which detonates on the Ghostbusters like Fabricio Werdum’s hidden tiger crouching dragon on Travis Brown at UFC 203.

But Stay Puft is not here to do harm. In fact, Puft’s glorious victory has been golden handcuffs. Stay Puft owns New York, with little minions of Pufts doing damage from the Bronx to Brooklyn. Deviations begins with our heroes entering a home, exterminating miniature Pufts inside someone’s living room. The owner is irate when the Ghostbusters explode the marshmallows, leaving huge slabs of white gook everywhere.

Puft is tired of NY, and desires to go back home. Instead of diabolical like in the film, Stay Puft has softened considerably- he needs our Ghostbusters to go back home, it’s lonely being a big blob of sweetness in a cold, hard city. Will our friends help Stay Puft? Or is Stay Puft secretly setting a trap?

No spoilers here, get a copy of Deviations to find out.

You won’t be disappointed.

I’ve had my own ideas about Stay Puft spinoffs, all based around an idea of Stay Puft getting his sailor bib stolen. To lure Stay Puft away from NYC, there’s this idea that you steal his bib, as the Ghostbusters fly away in a helicopter. Puft demonstrates shocking long distance stamina, and gallops across America’s heartland, trying to get back his sailor bib.

Once the helicopter reaches the Pacific, Puft continues to stomp across the water until it gets too deep, so Puft resorts to swimming like Michael Phelps. Backstrokes to add more absurdity, as he glares up at the helicopter, while Murray’s Venkman screams to go faster.

The helicopter flies over China, as Puft trips over the Great Wall.

It’s the great reveal of Matt Damon’s upcoming The Great Wall, which is secretly a fusion of cinematic universes between Ghostbusters, Bourne, and Godzilla. It could work, just add some time traveling, plot twists, etc.