DZ: Dolph Ziggler’s The Hard Knock Life

The art of turning scraps, into a bologna sandwich… With extra meatballs.

Sometimes… You’ve just got to fight for what’s right. Dolph Ziggler is a fighting man. When some kids get bullied in high school, some kids just take it lying down. When bullies ask for money, they hand it over with little resistance. When bullies gang up and shove them in lockers, they just let it happen. As someone who’s done my fair share of bullying, and been shoved into lockers as well, I know a fighter when I see one. One of the worst lessons the public education system will tell you, is to “give in.” By avoiding conflict, you’ll avoid the bully’s aggression. First of all, it’s in the faculty’s best interest to avoid conflict. Second of all, it will make bullies come after you even more. Third of all, it’s a valuable life lesson in standing up for yourself. Fourth of all, conflicts are what make life… exciting.

My mother once told me, that she’ll give me extra lunch money so I can hand it over to the bully. Think this was in sixth grade. But when I saw Triple H hold his sledge hammer, as D Generation X with Shawn Michaels, inside Seattle’s Key Arena sometime in 2006… Against the Spirit Squad. The next day during middle school I found the bully across the hall. I sprinted up, and tackled his ass so hard dude flew back like Jackie Chan X Jet Li Forbidden Kingdom. It was a chubby kid, and dude actually flew back and hit a glass wall. Our hallways had outdoor gardens, with glass encased walls. The chubby kid didn’t actually go through the glass window, but he made a nice crack. The bully was crying, so I actually asked him if he was OK. Apparently he was, because he walked off and told the school principle.

Dolph Ziggler and the Spirit Squad are a nice throwback, Vince McMahon’s cronies that proved male cheerleaders could be tough. The Spirit Squad got decimated by DX though, with the later coming out to tanks and Apocalypse Now type explosions in that one famous entrance, against Rated RKO I think. But that’s OK, because when you’re Dolph Ziggler and you get your ass beat, you just put on some new sparkling pants, dust yourself off, and run around the ring like you’re running from the cops… Because Dolph Ziggler’s crime is: STEALIN’ THE SHOW! The man would do well for himself on Broadway, the way he sells emotions and the human condition. Dude would probably take off his clothes, do some senton bombs on the stage, scream in agony, all in just Scene 1 Act 1 of the play.

When AJ Styles discovered a fellow small fellow inside the WWE locker room, the WWE World Heavyweight Champ decided to do some bullying. Got to give AJ Styles credit, dude got bullied by an even worse bully in Kevin Owens over the internets, but discombobulated KO in their Survivor Series match. If you don’t know what discombobulation looks like, it basically involves someone lifting their arms to protect themselves, screaming in pain, blinking profusely, and FALLING DOWN TO THE GROUND while rolling over a bunch of times. THE CHAMP THAT RUNS THE CAMP thought Dolph Ziggler was an easy target, but Ziggler doesn’t take nothing from nobody.

Surprised the hell out of an unsuspecting Styles, and guess what happened? Nothing. When bullies get handled, they walk away and find someone else easier to pick on. Point blank, Dolph Ziggler proves white men can jump. When Dolph flies in the air, it’s watching figure skating or big girls ballet. Actually, Shane McMahon proved that along time ago with his Air Jordans, (Cement III’s to be specific) but Dolph Ziggler’s facial expressions transforms wrestling between different galaxies and universes. You want to talk about in ring mat tacticians? Dude gave The Miz all sorts of charlies horses. How about the body, the look, the wardrobes? With those strapped up white boots, retro hoodies and shirts, and the best pants in the business… Checkmate.

When you watch small guys bustle and hustle, it motivates you the next day. In my neighborhood, the garbage man does the job and does it well. Around seven or eight in the morning, you’ll hear the big garbage truck squealing and wheeling as it’s mechanical arms struggles to lift garbage bins. That’s a hard working truck, and a hard working garbage man. The man could have chosen an easier line of work, maybe sitting in a DMV office calling people’s names… But the garbage man loves the action, being the first to show up, and arriving home tired as hell but well done. Watching that beat up garbage truck bust its ass because that’s the role it’s been given…

It’s a beautiful thing to watch.

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