DAYS I HAVEN’T MET CHARLIE BROOKER

What The Luck

The Outside World

- The Ones That “Go To Places” -

Day 93

14. EXT. NIGHT. PUB

I’m at a Pub, standing outside while waiting for a friend. Next to me, I hear 2 dudes having a chat, while they’re smoking. It seems they’re tourists and slightly intoxicated. Their conversation follows:

DUDE 1

(points at a girl)

Check out that one.

DUDE 2

Which one?

DUDE 1

That one. Next to that guy wearing the pink shirt.

DUDE 2

Oh yeah. She’s hot.

DUDE 1

(after a while)

Alright, man, you don’t need to stare at her forever.

DUDE 2

I’m trying to get her to notice me.

DUDE 1

It looks like you’re trying to steal her soul through her eye sockets.

DUDE 2

My eyes are just like that, I look at something, I see it and BOOM!

DUDE 1

You’re like those creeps at the subway. You know those dudes, whenever you’re looking around at people. There’s always that dude that is staring at you. And then, you look at him and you look away, like you’re looking at everything and not him specifically. So you check again, you know, passing by with your eyes, just to make sure he’s looking somewhere else. But, he’s still staring at you like your face actually means something for his people or whatever…

DUDE 2

Man, what the fuck are you talking about? You don’t flirt at bars? At clubs? You have to look at a girl to actually talk to her, you know that, right?

DUDE 1

Nah, man. I respect women too much to bother them. I use Tinder.

DUDE 2

Hahaha. My God, man. Whatever, women like guys that come up and show them how it’s done. Fuck…want to bet that bitch right there will talk to me?

DUDE 1

What makes her a bitch? What does…

DUDE 2

Look. Just watch, ok?

Dude number 2 goes towards the girl and her group of friends. She smiles at something he said. After a short while, it appears they are actually talking. His friend smiles at the whole thing, doing the very well-known “I can’t believe that worked despite knowing it would” headshake and smiling. He finishes his second cigarette and goes inside.

Day 93, Charlie. He sounded like an ass, but those people actually do stuff, I guess.

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